don't you waste me in the ground

in these finite moments, i ask myself, what right do i have to deny my dreams from coming true? how dare i hold back this soul which is bursting at its seams? these songs, under what authority should i keep them muted, hidden, tell me! i imagine. soft, melodic riffs on guitars. smiles of loved ones by the seaside. long-flowing dresses. colours, lots of them. a never-ending sunset. you, faceless right now. us, defying the logics of love and reality, creating surges in hearts long after we're gone.

unfailing love

i was out at sea yesterday, the wind tussling my hair and salt water lacing my lips. i lay down on the hull, my wine glass resting on my stomach, and flung my gaze into the stars, searching for the ones i could not see. i knew there was more, so much more. darkness does not seem so scary when you are assured of more stars than you could ever comprehend. i am not so afraid now, God.

to love into change

on sunday, i was sitting at the feet of a wise man who had many wise things to say and i really wished you were there to listen. next, i sat at the feet of his wise wife and judged you for not being there to listen. but there is a reason why you aren't there these days, not even for your own sake. then, i felt ashamed for my judgments, for only judging and nothing else. the truth is, you are just as broken as i am. the truth is, you are far more beautiful than i know.

and i'm committed to loving you into change, into freedom. it's what changed me.

my mind rebels at stagnation

while i have acquired a small collection of books to take care of a small part of this predicament called "stagnation", my mind and body are physically starting to recoil at the thought that this will be me and us for the rest of my life.

no, i will not allow it!

there is still much travelling to be done, more dancing to be learnt, then danced, more planes to jump out from, more mind-prickling conversations over coffee-shop tables and coffee cups to be participated in, more white sheets of paper to have paint splashed on them, more rain showers to swirl around in...no, i'm not ready for a full. stop. this pen has many more adventures to write before the ink of its youth runs out!

so, what do you say? shall we?

why i blog (since i hardly hold a pen to write these days and type instead)

because, everywhere else, i am forced to write about what others want to read, to achieve some end, for someone else. here, i write anything i want, whenever i want, just for the heck of it, for the love of it.

to love writing, what does that mean? to love words? words lose their shapes and meaning and blend into meaningless noise and figures when you stare too long at them. rather, i like how these words flow from the ocean up here in my mind down to the tips of my fingers and out into the infinite expanse of this universe. i love how i can glide over words as i write (type) them, read them, glide over these shapes that make up letters that make up words that make up...all sorts of things! i like how i am carried from one word (and world) to another as i get upgraded to the status of a newborn, and everything is like the first time all over again (accidental pun, intended upon hindsight).

mother teresa once said that she was merely a pencil in the hand of God and i picture the words and visions that flow through me from that incredible fountainhead of love as i allow them to escape into, and find their place in the universe through my fingertips, my nostrils, my lips, my toes and hair (to name a few)!

eclipse of the mind has begun, i need sleep soon, which my dreams so often rob me of!