it's incredible how much i've been changing everyday, and how much more i'm learning about the universe and its ways through these changes. i'm at a loss at what to make of all i've learnt and been told. but all of a sudden, the walls of my world have grown further apart and life seems more exciting. there's so much to explore and learn through experiences. and God is closer than i ever thought he was. they tell you God is everywhere but it's different when you can say it for yourself. which goes for almost everything else in life.
there's really nothing much to say now. it's time for me to listen. cos i just realised how much i do not know.
thank you, my angels.
Wednesday, December 31, 2003
Friday, December 26, 2003
i believe that some things we receive in life are truly graces from God. i believe that there's a fine line between letting go and giving up. i'm glad i let go but did not give up. i believe that below all our coping stances, emotions, yearnings and desires lies not original sin, but original goodness. i believe that we are enveloped by an immense love which no words can describe or do justice to, and which many things in this world blind us from seeing or feeling. i believe that we are all yearning, whether we realise it or not. yearning for God to fill that God-shaped hole in all our hearts which only God can fill. but we don't know that and fill it up with other things, which shut that yearning voice up, temporarily. before long, we start searching again. is that why we're never really contented?
i've been thinking....
oh yea, merry christmas, a day too late. ;)
i've been thinking....
oh yea, merry christmas, a day too late. ;)
Thursday, December 18, 2003
To noone in particular, and everyone concerned (huh?) :
I don't understand why you do the things you do.
but i'm trying to.
because i don't want to hate you.
i want to understand and move on.
but i guess not all of life's questions can be answered in a single moment. some questions are answered throughout the whole course of life's journey itself. others, at the final second. some, maybe not even in this life. but i believe they'll all be answered one day. for a question to exist, there must most probably be an answer already. patience.
i believe that one must have compassion to love. if i didn't try to understand why you do the things you do, and accept the fact that you're human and weak, and embrace it, i would have hated you long ago. i realise trying to change you was a mistake. it is not my role to play. i still don't understand you much. but i understand you're human and weak; frail. we all are. and so i love you inspite of that, and maybe, because of that.
I don't understand why you do the things you do.
but i'm trying to.
because i don't want to hate you.
i want to understand and move on.
but i guess not all of life's questions can be answered in a single moment. some questions are answered throughout the whole course of life's journey itself. others, at the final second. some, maybe not even in this life. but i believe they'll all be answered one day. for a question to exist, there must most probably be an answer already. patience.
i believe that one must have compassion to love. if i didn't try to understand why you do the things you do, and accept the fact that you're human and weak, and embrace it, i would have hated you long ago. i realise trying to change you was a mistake. it is not my role to play. i still don't understand you much. but i understand you're human and weak; frail. we all are. and so i love you inspite of that, and maybe, because of that.
Thursday, December 11, 2003
all my entries from now on are really long overdue.
lets see. we had our prom on monday. honestly, the moment i walked through the doors of ritz carlton, i wanted to turn around and run back out again. everyone was clad in their finest, flashes were going off here and there, and the whole scene just seemed to unnerve me. probably also because i couldn't seem to find a familiar face through all the make-up, dyed hair and glitter. but the rest of the evening proved to be a rather enjoyable one. yes, everyone was simply obsessed with taking snapshots together with their friends. i guess i was too. but at times, i was just contented sitting at the empty table where almost 80 times 10 buckeroos worth of food was being laid with noone to finish it up. haha. by the end of that evening though, my jaws were aching like mad. funny and stupid thing is, i look the same in every photo anyway. smiling the same way, posing the same way...haha..whatever it was, i'm glad i came for prom, even if some might beg to differ. and post-prom was just as fine too. =)
anyway, at this moment, i'm rather busy sorting out university applications. i really do want to fly away from here. not because i hate this place, but because i'm seeking change. i need a kick. and i need money too. sponsors, anyone? anyway, i procrastinated for God knows how long and i started getting desperate because only up till recently, i hadn't done a single thing for my future education. then all along, comes this old-time friend of mine who offers to help me...start from scratch. i don't know what i'd have done without you, phaemie. so now, i'll have to rush my applications like mad! and i still need to see my teachers for recommendations! oh boy! pray for me!!
and well, life suddenly seems brighter and filled with renewed hope. and sometimes, the most incredible things which we least expect to happen actually do. it seems that they only happen at the moment we finally choose to let go. when we finally choose to stop worrying about them. through the recent events that have occured in the past few days, i can genuinely vouch for that. when life takes away something from you and you feel that all is lost and you can't go on, just remember that something better is always about to come your way. it just takes a little faith. God takes things away only to replace them with something better. some may liken Him to a cruel witch who gives a child a sweet at one moment and takes it away from him the next. but hey, if we don't spit that pathetic little sweet out of our mouths, how are we gonna make room for the delicious chocolate cake? and if we don't get rid of that either, how are we gonna make space for that yummy ben & jerry's chocolate fudge brownie ice-cream? huh? huh?
well, as cliched as this may sound, i truly believe that there is a source behind all things, most of them invisible to the human eye but visible to the heart. and that source is love. and only good can come out of it. and it's this belief that allows my heart to keep on smiling even in the midst of all the pain that this life brings. am i just kidding myself? am i just consoling myself with such delirious delusions? whether i am or not, i choose to hold on to it anyway. what's the point of sulking? since we're already here anyway.
lets see. we had our prom on monday. honestly, the moment i walked through the doors of ritz carlton, i wanted to turn around and run back out again. everyone was clad in their finest, flashes were going off here and there, and the whole scene just seemed to unnerve me. probably also because i couldn't seem to find a familiar face through all the make-up, dyed hair and glitter. but the rest of the evening proved to be a rather enjoyable one. yes, everyone was simply obsessed with taking snapshots together with their friends. i guess i was too. but at times, i was just contented sitting at the empty table where almost 80 times 10 buckeroos worth of food was being laid with noone to finish it up. haha. by the end of that evening though, my jaws were aching like mad. funny and stupid thing is, i look the same in every photo anyway. smiling the same way, posing the same way...haha..whatever it was, i'm glad i came for prom, even if some might beg to differ. and post-prom was just as fine too. =)
anyway, at this moment, i'm rather busy sorting out university applications. i really do want to fly away from here. not because i hate this place, but because i'm seeking change. i need a kick. and i need money too. sponsors, anyone? anyway, i procrastinated for God knows how long and i started getting desperate because only up till recently, i hadn't done a single thing for my future education. then all along, comes this old-time friend of mine who offers to help me...start from scratch. i don't know what i'd have done without you, phaemie. so now, i'll have to rush my applications like mad! and i still need to see my teachers for recommendations! oh boy! pray for me!!
and well, life suddenly seems brighter and filled with renewed hope. and sometimes, the most incredible things which we least expect to happen actually do. it seems that they only happen at the moment we finally choose to let go. when we finally choose to stop worrying about them. through the recent events that have occured in the past few days, i can genuinely vouch for that. when life takes away something from you and you feel that all is lost and you can't go on, just remember that something better is always about to come your way. it just takes a little faith. God takes things away only to replace them with something better. some may liken Him to a cruel witch who gives a child a sweet at one moment and takes it away from him the next. but hey, if we don't spit that pathetic little sweet out of our mouths, how are we gonna make room for the delicious chocolate cake? and if we don't get rid of that either, how are we gonna make space for that yummy ben & jerry's chocolate fudge brownie ice-cream? huh? huh?
well, as cliched as this may sound, i truly believe that there is a source behind all things, most of them invisible to the human eye but visible to the heart. and that source is love. and only good can come out of it. and it's this belief that allows my heart to keep on smiling even in the midst of all the pain that this life brings. am i just kidding myself? am i just consoling myself with such delirious delusions? whether i am or not, i choose to hold on to it anyway. what's the point of sulking? since we're already here anyway.
Sunday, December 07, 2003
konichiwa.
i just returned from the land of the tamagotchi last thursday night.
japan is one helluva interestin place. there's so much to say i don't know where to start. lets see. people there speak japanese without any punctuations whatsoever. it's like a whole string of multiple-syllabled words with no pauses in between it leaves me, the listener, gasping for breath instead. and yes, the girls really do sound that cute. and look that cute too with their two ponytails and bangs and little eyes.
my gosh. almost everyone you come across in the streets is decked in branded goods. japanese lasses go to theme parks like universal studios and disneyland in burberry skirts and stiletto boots which reach up to their knees. and if your hair isn't died, you're considered to be a countryside folk. serious. and it's considered rude for girls not to wear lipstick and dress up when they step out of their houses, even when it's just to get a can of coke from a nearby drink machine. ahuh.
in fact they're so crazy over branded goods that when LV first opened or held a sale(can't recall which), women were queing up with their stools 3 days or so before. just sitting outside there on their stools while their hubbies brought them their lunches and dinners. ah yes, japanese seem to love queues. in fact the longer they queue, the longer it'll get. cos it must be that good right?
at the theme parks, queues stretched like there was no tomorrow. it was a culture shock man. in singapore, i can't imagine pple queuing up so patiently. ah yes, the japanese form a rather gracious society. it was so clean everywhere i went. when someone drops a piece of litter on the floor, he or she'd pick it up. if there's a lack of dustbins around, they'd simply put the trash in their pockets and throw it away later. even if they spilled a drink onto the ground, they'd whip out their tissue paper and wipe it up. yes, i witnessed it. and when we were watching the parade at disneyland, all those at the front would sit down on the ground without being told to do so, just so those at the back had a proper view.
but oh my. everything in japan is so friggin expensive. if i were to stay there any longer, i would've turned into a pauper soon enough. a bowl of plain rice cost almost S$4. can u beat that? for a family of 5 dining at MACS, the damage can reach up to S$60!! if you can afford to take the taxi there, you're a king or queen. it starts of with S$10. so u can imagine the rest! next time any of you wanna start a gp essay with "as standards of living in singapore are getting higher and higher...", just think about japan and shut up. pple there just spend and spend on the craziest things! in singapore, a table at a wedding reception probably costs say $500 or so. it'ss $500 a head there! just too many examples of why i'd be scrounging for your lose change if i were to live there. no wonder why the japanese go crazy when they go shopping in singapore. when i exitted the gate after our plane touched down in singapore, there were already japanese ladies rushing into a bally store at duty free.and i used to wonder who'd go to all these overly-priced stores.
one of the nights, my tour guide brought us to this really good japanese steamboat restaurant in shinjuku in tokyo. however, this restauant happened to be situated near a red-light district. my family finished dinner quite early so we decided to walk around and explore. we saw a building with the letters "HMB" lighted up and it looked exactly like the trademark "HMV" purple logo. so we walked closer to take a well..closer look. "HOT MEN BOX." hahaha.
there's this place in shinjuku where hopeful musicians go to strut their stuff and hopfully get talent-scouted by some big-shot producer. but instead of a big-shot producer, who should come along but the hottest babe ever clad in strips of cloth and stilletto boots and long flowing hair and perfectly flawless skin and a tattoo on her back. "She" starts flirting with the bunch of young musicians and then, struts down the street with the perfect swaying of hips alas, putting a catwalk model to shame.
japanese love to paste instuctions all over their shops. there was this McDonalds which we walked into which had a sign. "You are not allowed to come in just to use the toilet." i found that rather funny. there was also this tourist shop which had more instructions than souvenirs if you ask me. guess that's why everything seems so orderly there.
food there was great. i ate soooo much!! there was one night we went to a hot springs hotel and had a typical japanese dinner. we even had to dress up wearing our japanese "happy coats." it was my first taste of sake. potent stuff man. i drank the whole bottle. since you know, everything in japan is expensive and it would be a waste not to finish it. whoa. i puked my whole stomach and more out man!
ok i have so much more to type but...there's just too much and this is getting too long! so if you wanna know more, come ask me. japan in the eyes of a singaporean 18-yr-old girl.
i just returned from the land of the tamagotchi last thursday night.
japan is one helluva interestin place. there's so much to say i don't know where to start. lets see. people there speak japanese without any punctuations whatsoever. it's like a whole string of multiple-syllabled words with no pauses in between it leaves me, the listener, gasping for breath instead. and yes, the girls really do sound that cute. and look that cute too with their two ponytails and bangs and little eyes.
my gosh. almost everyone you come across in the streets is decked in branded goods. japanese lasses go to theme parks like universal studios and disneyland in burberry skirts and stiletto boots which reach up to their knees. and if your hair isn't died, you're considered to be a countryside folk. serious. and it's considered rude for girls not to wear lipstick and dress up when they step out of their houses, even when it's just to get a can of coke from a nearby drink machine. ahuh.
in fact they're so crazy over branded goods that when LV first opened or held a sale(can't recall which), women were queing up with their stools 3 days or so before. just sitting outside there on their stools while their hubbies brought them their lunches and dinners. ah yes, japanese seem to love queues. in fact the longer they queue, the longer it'll get. cos it must be that good right?
at the theme parks, queues stretched like there was no tomorrow. it was a culture shock man. in singapore, i can't imagine pple queuing up so patiently. ah yes, the japanese form a rather gracious society. it was so clean everywhere i went. when someone drops a piece of litter on the floor, he or she'd pick it up. if there's a lack of dustbins around, they'd simply put the trash in their pockets and throw it away later. even if they spilled a drink onto the ground, they'd whip out their tissue paper and wipe it up. yes, i witnessed it. and when we were watching the parade at disneyland, all those at the front would sit down on the ground without being told to do so, just so those at the back had a proper view.
but oh my. everything in japan is so friggin expensive. if i were to stay there any longer, i would've turned into a pauper soon enough. a bowl of plain rice cost almost S$4. can u beat that? for a family of 5 dining at MACS, the damage can reach up to S$60!! if you can afford to take the taxi there, you're a king or queen. it starts of with S$10. so u can imagine the rest! next time any of you wanna start a gp essay with "as standards of living in singapore are getting higher and higher...", just think about japan and shut up. pple there just spend and spend on the craziest things! in singapore, a table at a wedding reception probably costs say $500 or so. it'ss $500 a head there! just too many examples of why i'd be scrounging for your lose change if i were to live there. no wonder why the japanese go crazy when they go shopping in singapore. when i exitted the gate after our plane touched down in singapore, there were already japanese ladies rushing into a bally store at duty free.and i used to wonder who'd go to all these overly-priced stores.
one of the nights, my tour guide brought us to this really good japanese steamboat restaurant in shinjuku in tokyo. however, this restauant happened to be situated near a red-light district. my family finished dinner quite early so we decided to walk around and explore. we saw a building with the letters "HMB" lighted up and it looked exactly like the trademark "HMV" purple logo. so we walked closer to take a well..closer look. "HOT MEN BOX." hahaha.
there's this place in shinjuku where hopeful musicians go to strut their stuff and hopfully get talent-scouted by some big-shot producer. but instead of a big-shot producer, who should come along but the hottest babe ever clad in strips of cloth and stilletto boots and long flowing hair and perfectly flawless skin and a tattoo on her back. "She" starts flirting with the bunch of young musicians and then, struts down the street with the perfect swaying of hips alas, putting a catwalk model to shame.
japanese love to paste instuctions all over their shops. there was this McDonalds which we walked into which had a sign. "You are not allowed to come in just to use the toilet." i found that rather funny. there was also this tourist shop which had more instructions than souvenirs if you ask me. guess that's why everything seems so orderly there.
food there was great. i ate soooo much!! there was one night we went to a hot springs hotel and had a typical japanese dinner. we even had to dress up wearing our japanese "happy coats." it was my first taste of sake. potent stuff man. i drank the whole bottle. since you know, everything in japan is expensive and it would be a waste not to finish it. whoa. i puked my whole stomach and more out man!
ok i have so much more to type but...there's just too much and this is getting too long! so if you wanna know more, come ask me. japan in the eyes of a singaporean 18-yr-old girl.