ok maybe i was exagerating too much yesterday. about my weaknesses. i mean, i guess, though i get upset as easily as i say i do, i guess i usually get over it all quite fast. and well, i am a rather sensitive person but i guess i do know how to control my emotions and make sure i don't really do things i 'll regret. of course, there are instances when i do. and i guess i am a moderate. some things are allowed until they're disallowed and some things are disallowed until they're allowed. i'm just a bit more paranoid than others. that's all. because to me, anything's possible. and i hate getting involved in difficult, complicated, tense situations, therefore trying my best not to do so. maybe i just shouldn't take things so seriously. but i don't really. it's just that loneliness scares the shit out of me. but there are ways to overcome it and stare it straight in the face. after all, what's better than staring at fear straight in its eyes and rising above it?
nevertheless, i still haven't changed my agenda of how i'm going to improve things in my life as i had mentioned at the end of yesterday's blog. i'm still going to try and better myself, the only person to compete against, me. but one should never be TOO hard on one's self. it doesn't do us much good. we can scold ourselves, we can blame ourselves, we can do all that, but we must never forget to love and respect ourselves as well.
so i went to the skin specialist today, for my toe nails and this funny wort growing on my sole. i got liquid nitrogen sprayed on my sole. liquid nitrogen is about minus 149 degress celsius. how cool is that. haha. and let me tell you what's cooler...4 months mc from PE!!!! wooooh! maybe i can even skip stupid PFT! hah!
but the problem is, i do like PE sometimes. i don't mind running long distance without a stupid time limit. i don't mind playing games, cos, it's fuN! but i mind mass PE. i detest it! the way they join forces and arrange you in neat, beautiful formations, and smile sadistically at you, amused by their sick sense of humour, while dishing out combinations of torture, sprinkled with commands to shout sweet and sour nothings like.."HAPPY VALENTINE!!" or "I LOVE AC" or some crap...oooh, the nerve.
tomorrow's FOUNDERS DAY. it's supposedly a self-proclaimed holiday for many. but i think i'll go. i'd like to see what it's like. though i already know it's gonna be a bore. ok, maybe i just want to go out after that. haha. ah well, beats stoning at home. too much of it can kill. though a bit of it once in a while is excellent for the soul. a little bit of just doing nothing.
ok, tired of blogging.
Friday, February 28, 2003
Wednesday, February 26, 2003
i cracked a code today. about myself. and why i get so stressed up about being happy, which is one helluva irony if you ask me. i spoke my thoughts out aloud to sheryl tay and yes, it all made sense. this is what i concluded.
i've come to realise that i'm truly a very competitive person. no, not the kind that steals your notes so you'll get a lower physics grade than me. rather, i compare alot. too much. i measure myself using others as rulers. and indeed, i let them rule my state of being. i place my sense of self-worth in the eyes of others and where i stand in their hearts. i'm not afraid of losing, but i'm afraid of being the ultimate loser. afraid of being the only one left behind. afraid of rejection.( i know i ain't the only one) afraid of being left all alone. (yes, loneliness is one of my greatest fears) in short, my joy seems to depend on others. it takes very little to make me upset. because i compare so much. and it takes very little to make me happy too. because all i need to know is that i mean something to someone.
well today, i asked one or two people this question. "to you, is something disallowed until it's allowed or allowed until it's disallowed?" and it's the former for me. which made me realise i've been deluding myself all this while. whatever mentioned above plus this. i used to think myself rather free-spirited but now, it seems quite the contrary even if i don't seem it. in fact, i allow the people around me to tie me down and i set rules and limits for myself which i tell myself i can't cross.
and this has all got to do with pride. there's this occasion that's been playing at the back of my mind ever since it happened. my dad had brought me to visit one of his good friends, a rather famous psychic. she turned to me and told me, "Pride comes before a fall". She told me that of all the things she could have told me. and i was clueless as to why. but i realise that i do contain alot of pride. maybe not the kind that runs people down. but possibly the kind that runs ME down.
my pride led me to believe i was the person who i wanted to be, but now i see who i really am. rather weak-willed and cowardly. my pride led me to want to compare and always shine in the eyes of others, and any less of it would have stirred up a storm in my heart.
maybe the psychic wasn't implying pride in this manner. i don't know. but this is the kind of pride i admit i possess. and i think that this pride blinds and hinders many of us from truly seeing who we really are. tearing down the wall of pride is indeed a must in the process of discovering one's self. if not, what's the point?
i'm not saying i've gotten rid of that pride. it might be a long time before i eventually do. i'm not saying that as of now, i'll be able find joy from within, and not with out, in the eyes and words of others. i'm not saying that i'm going be the bravest and strongest girl as of this moment on. but what i'm saying is, that i'm gonna try.
i've come to realise that i'm truly a very competitive person. no, not the kind that steals your notes so you'll get a lower physics grade than me. rather, i compare alot. too much. i measure myself using others as rulers. and indeed, i let them rule my state of being. i place my sense of self-worth in the eyes of others and where i stand in their hearts. i'm not afraid of losing, but i'm afraid of being the ultimate loser. afraid of being the only one left behind. afraid of rejection.( i know i ain't the only one) afraid of being left all alone. (yes, loneliness is one of my greatest fears) in short, my joy seems to depend on others. it takes very little to make me upset. because i compare so much. and it takes very little to make me happy too. because all i need to know is that i mean something to someone.
well today, i asked one or two people this question. "to you, is something disallowed until it's allowed or allowed until it's disallowed?" and it's the former for me. which made me realise i've been deluding myself all this while. whatever mentioned above plus this. i used to think myself rather free-spirited but now, it seems quite the contrary even if i don't seem it. in fact, i allow the people around me to tie me down and i set rules and limits for myself which i tell myself i can't cross.
and this has all got to do with pride. there's this occasion that's been playing at the back of my mind ever since it happened. my dad had brought me to visit one of his good friends, a rather famous psychic. she turned to me and told me, "Pride comes before a fall". She told me that of all the things she could have told me. and i was clueless as to why. but i realise that i do contain alot of pride. maybe not the kind that runs people down. but possibly the kind that runs ME down.
my pride led me to believe i was the person who i wanted to be, but now i see who i really am. rather weak-willed and cowardly. my pride led me to want to compare and always shine in the eyes of others, and any less of it would have stirred up a storm in my heart.
maybe the psychic wasn't implying pride in this manner. i don't know. but this is the kind of pride i admit i possess. and i think that this pride blinds and hinders many of us from truly seeing who we really are. tearing down the wall of pride is indeed a must in the process of discovering one's self. if not, what's the point?
i'm not saying i've gotten rid of that pride. it might be a long time before i eventually do. i'm not saying that as of now, i'll be able find joy from within, and not with out, in the eyes and words of others. i'm not saying that i'm going be the bravest and strongest girl as of this moment on. but what i'm saying is, that i'm gonna try.
is obsession a bad thing? is there such a thing as being obsessed about trying to be happy? is there such a thing as being obsessed about finding true joy? and is it bad to be obsessed about such things? will being obsessed about trying to be ever-so-happy make me ever-so-sad instead? obsessions. too much of a good thing is a bad thing, they say. and too much of something can destroy you, i learnt. or have i really learnt? i'm closing my mind by being so obsessed about being happy for i close it in on one thing that could make or break my happiness, contracting a sudden amnesia, forgetting the simple, most simple things in life that could actually make me beam inside.
which is why i walk around troubled today. my insecurities, my fears, my obsessions...all bringing me down and pulling me apart, this way and that. a smile plastered to my face the way red paint is smeared around the mouth of a sad clown. no, a sad clown looks sadder than most anyone when he doesn't smile.
i don't want to be a depressed freak. i don't want to be the one who says "life sucks". i don't want to feel sorry for myself. i don't want to blame anyone or anything. and i shan't. but, i must learn to get rid of this/these obsession/s first, fly them all away on a paper aeroplane into a rubbish bin, where it belongs.
oh bother.
which is why i walk around troubled today. my insecurities, my fears, my obsessions...all bringing me down and pulling me apart, this way and that. a smile plastered to my face the way red paint is smeared around the mouth of a sad clown. no, a sad clown looks sadder than most anyone when he doesn't smile.
i don't want to be a depressed freak. i don't want to be the one who says "life sucks". i don't want to feel sorry for myself. i don't want to blame anyone or anything. and i shan't. but, i must learn to get rid of this/these obsession/s first, fly them all away on a paper aeroplane into a rubbish bin, where it belongs.
oh bother.
Tuesday, February 25, 2003
bummed the day away. watched tv from dawn till dusk. well....figures don't it.
well, i was channel-surfing when i came across this movie on starmovies(i think) that was just beginning. nice bagpipe music in the beginning, the ocean and all. so, held transfixed to it by some mysterious hypnotic force, i carried on watching, hungry to find out more. it was pretty slow-moving at first. in the past, i had always caught glimpses of scenes from the show when i was channel-surfing but also switched channels anyway. this time, i stayed on...till the end. it was a beautiful show, really. very tragic. tear-jerking. you might have heard it. "Deeply".
watched too much tv today. yucks. to make up for my bum getting bigger today, i did some cycling. then i walked the doggie woggie. i think my butt didn't get any smaller. oh well.
then i watched miss congeniality for the 37th time cos it was playing on cable and i was having dinner and stupid maximum risk was playing on channel5.
too much tv!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but i think tv's really very educational if you ask me. it really is. switching channels, you go from chimpanzees in dresses to missy elliot grooving it up to sandra bullock tripping over her own heels to bush vs saddam. and i think that was just narrowing its scope. it's way bigger.
ah well. my long holiday's finally coming to a conclusion. and i won't blog much today. i usually do.
well, i was channel-surfing when i came across this movie on starmovies(i think) that was just beginning. nice bagpipe music in the beginning, the ocean and all. so, held transfixed to it by some mysterious hypnotic force, i carried on watching, hungry to find out more. it was pretty slow-moving at first. in the past, i had always caught glimpses of scenes from the show when i was channel-surfing but also switched channels anyway. this time, i stayed on...till the end. it was a beautiful show, really. very tragic. tear-jerking. you might have heard it. "Deeply".
watched too much tv today. yucks. to make up for my bum getting bigger today, i did some cycling. then i walked the doggie woggie. i think my butt didn't get any smaller. oh well.
then i watched miss congeniality for the 37th time cos it was playing on cable and i was having dinner and stupid maximum risk was playing on channel5.
too much tv!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but i think tv's really very educational if you ask me. it really is. switching channels, you go from chimpanzees in dresses to missy elliot grooving it up to sandra bullock tripping over her own heels to bush vs saddam. and i think that was just narrowing its scope. it's way bigger.
ah well. my long holiday's finally coming to a conclusion. and i won't blog much today. i usually do.
Monday, February 24, 2003
i was cranky today. very cranky. and very sleepy. figures, don't it? slept at almost 4, only to wake up at 7 something....why i sleep at that time, is a mystery to me. i just wander the night away doing sweet nothings. i just sit there, dreaming, wondering, thinking.....in vain. as it appears at this point.
i shall have to start sleeping earlier, to make the waking and walking hours worth my while.
there's a danger with dreaming too much. too many ideals are set. and ideals are not short from perfect. and when we fall short of those ideals, or when i do, it's devastating. i try not to expect too much and i guess, it's hard to try not to, when i expect everyone to think the same way i do and be exactly like me. it's utter foolishness to think that way. set your expectations high, they say. i always set mine low. to avoid disapointments. to justify my failures and shortcomings. to give me a reason not to try. what foolishness.
now here's a good song to listen to when you're plugged into your discman, walking down the street at your own steady rhythm, as the cars zoom by, and the people push and shove and briskwalk to their next destination. the kind that makes you feel you're in the music video of bittersweet symphony or one of those. yes, whenever i'm plugged into my discman, i feel like i'm in my own music video. and even when i'm not, i still feel that way. must be the song playing in my head at that moment. ANYWAY, i'm talking about the song, tripoli by pinback. or is it tripoli ace fu. something.
and there's this other song playing now. totally full of angst. a certain kind of urgentness. which i seem to rather like. toxicity.
time's just passing too slowly. i feel that if i wait any longer, there'd be nothing to wait for any longer. but i'm too scared to do anything but wait. and waiting kills. i've come to the conclusion we spend a large part of our lives waiting for things to happen. waiting for the green man to flash, waiting for a bus, waiting for a date, waiting for exam results, waiting for the show to end, waiting for the show to start, waiting for a bone marrow donor, waiting for the commercials to flash so you can go pee, waiting for a miracle, waiting for someone else to do it first........
i guess that's why my ass is growing bigger. i just sit and wait too much. it's a mixture of pride and laziness and hope. what an odd combination.
so i reach all these conclusions about myself. what next? stop waiting! get up and get out and do something! what's stopping me? i just don't see where all this is going...and to you, i'm speaking utter rubbish. it's true. but i have my secrets to keep too.
i shall have to start sleeping earlier, to make the waking and walking hours worth my while.
there's a danger with dreaming too much. too many ideals are set. and ideals are not short from perfect. and when we fall short of those ideals, or when i do, it's devastating. i try not to expect too much and i guess, it's hard to try not to, when i expect everyone to think the same way i do and be exactly like me. it's utter foolishness to think that way. set your expectations high, they say. i always set mine low. to avoid disapointments. to justify my failures and shortcomings. to give me a reason not to try. what foolishness.
now here's a good song to listen to when you're plugged into your discman, walking down the street at your own steady rhythm, as the cars zoom by, and the people push and shove and briskwalk to their next destination. the kind that makes you feel you're in the music video of bittersweet symphony or one of those. yes, whenever i'm plugged into my discman, i feel like i'm in my own music video. and even when i'm not, i still feel that way. must be the song playing in my head at that moment. ANYWAY, i'm talking about the song, tripoli by pinback. or is it tripoli ace fu. something.
and there's this other song playing now. totally full of angst. a certain kind of urgentness. which i seem to rather like. toxicity.
time's just passing too slowly. i feel that if i wait any longer, there'd be nothing to wait for any longer. but i'm too scared to do anything but wait. and waiting kills. i've come to the conclusion we spend a large part of our lives waiting for things to happen. waiting for the green man to flash, waiting for a bus, waiting for a date, waiting for exam results, waiting for the show to end, waiting for the show to start, waiting for a bone marrow donor, waiting for the commercials to flash so you can go pee, waiting for a miracle, waiting for someone else to do it first........
i guess that's why my ass is growing bigger. i just sit and wait too much. it's a mixture of pride and laziness and hope. what an odd combination.
so i reach all these conclusions about myself. what next? stop waiting! get up and get out and do something! what's stopping me? i just don't see where all this is going...and to you, i'm speaking utter rubbish. it's true. but i have my secrets to keep too.
Sunday, February 23, 2003
had a pretty good evening just now. sheryl called me out to dinner. i was dancing and dancing while getting ready. when i looked into the mirror, i was beaming. when i left the house, i was plugged into my discman. and the oh-so-sweet music guided the rhythm of my footsteps and the sway of my hands. sheryl tay was 1/2 hr late. thank goodness i met pam at the bus-stop. and we got down to talking and sheryl came just as she left.
anyway we had vietnamese noodles. the restaurant just opened in gardens, i think. she treated me to make up for it. i treated her to ice-cream ( we tried this new flavour, chest-nuts with sweeet potato) to make up for her treating me. we walked around quite a bit and decided to drop by the malay barber(relak one korner lar brudder) to spy on my brother. he, his friend and his brother all had the same hairstyle! haha. his friend who's got the same name as the pope had this snake board with him. totally rad! although it didn't look so cool when i went on it. it's like a skateboard. only WAY COOLER! then we headed to macs, where i met another friend coincidentally. and we all had a long debate about homosexuality and religion. it's been the topic of interest for the day. i'm just not convinced about why it's a sin or why it's wrong.
i composed a short lil tune on guitar and i really like it. i really wish i could set up my own lil recording studio. it doesn't have to be for commercial purposes. people record their thoughts and emotions and moments in blogs, journals, essays, paintings, video, photos and what-not which they get gaze back upon later. i want to record my tunes so i can play them back later. it's fun. it's just like looking at yourself in the mirror and examining your one eye being bigger than the other, or that cute little nose you have ,or how queer the human face looks, or how fat or thin you are, or how lovely that dress looks on you, or how your eyes look after you've had a good cry, or how funny you look when you're fuming mad, or how silly you look when you grin your widest grin. all that.
i digress.
i want to set up my own studio with my own recording equipment and mixers and everything. i want to record all them songs, no matter how long or short, sucky or awesome they are and play them again 20 years down the road if i'm still here just as i would be gazing at my childhood photos and reading my childish letters to my parents. so i'll never forget.
anyway we had vietnamese noodles. the restaurant just opened in gardens, i think. she treated me to make up for it. i treated her to ice-cream ( we tried this new flavour, chest-nuts with sweeet potato) to make up for her treating me. we walked around quite a bit and decided to drop by the malay barber(relak one korner lar brudder) to spy on my brother. he, his friend and his brother all had the same hairstyle! haha. his friend who's got the same name as the pope had this snake board with him. totally rad! although it didn't look so cool when i went on it. it's like a skateboard. only WAY COOLER! then we headed to macs, where i met another friend coincidentally. and we all had a long debate about homosexuality and religion. it's been the topic of interest for the day. i'm just not convinced about why it's a sin or why it's wrong.
i composed a short lil tune on guitar and i really like it. i really wish i could set up my own lil recording studio. it doesn't have to be for commercial purposes. people record their thoughts and emotions and moments in blogs, journals, essays, paintings, video, photos and what-not which they get gaze back upon later. i want to record my tunes so i can play them back later. it's fun. it's just like looking at yourself in the mirror and examining your one eye being bigger than the other, or that cute little nose you have ,or how queer the human face looks, or how fat or thin you are, or how lovely that dress looks on you, or how your eyes look after you've had a good cry, or how funny you look when you're fuming mad, or how silly you look when you grin your widest grin. all that.
i digress.
i want to set up my own studio with my own recording equipment and mixers and everything. i want to record all them songs, no matter how long or short, sucky or awesome they are and play them again 20 years down the road if i'm still here just as i would be gazing at my childhood photos and reading my childish letters to my parents. so i'll never forget.
Saturday, February 22, 2003
woke up at 11.48. usually, the pattern is, i'll wake up at about 9. and go back to sleep until like 11plus, or 12. today i just slept right through. must have been really exhausted this week. but there was something different about sleeping in this morning. different from other times. i didn't feel stressed. i didn't feel angry.(usually there'd be pple shouting at me to wake up, scolding me, telling me what a slob i am, nagging me up the wall, and then, i'd wake up pissed off and with a headache) i only got one call on my hp at 11.48 telling me to wake up. but it was all good.
so i took a bath. went down and sat myself on the sofa with a packet of oreos, the newspapers and mtv playing infront of me. i was pretty much infront of the tv the whole afternoon until 3pm. i was flipping between 2 channels. discovery travel and adventure and mtv. i wrote down some unique places to visit when i get the money. i have all the time in the world, but not the money. and well, on mtv, who should be playing but U2. one of their concerts. they sound damn good live! and they are so professional. the whole place was packed. so many people. it was unbelievable. U2 seems to have this certain aura about them. i was only at home watching them perform live on tv. i wasn't even there, but i was in awe. i was inspired. their old songs, their new songs. they all sound so good. the concert was smokin! if i really was there, i don't know what i'd do. i'd probably be one of those ridiculous fainting people at michael jackson concerts, the ones you see on tv. NO WAY!
well, there are some places i want to go to. i want to go to cornwell, England. to those mysterious looking-greenhouses. that look like beehives of astronauts in space. i want to go luging at this place in new zealand. and to this farm in hawaii where there are fainting goats. fainting goats! it's like you're chasing these goats and next thing you know, they are suddenly paralysed and faint for like maybe 4 or 5 seconds. then they stand up and start running again. how queer! how i must see them!
my brother told me he learnt about them in bio. how it's because of this certain gene in them. i really wish i took bio. i really do have a keen interest in it. maybe if i had, i might still have been able to keep 4subjects. F maths! who was i kidding. haha.
anyway i also want to go up in a hot air balloon. i switched on the tv too late so i couldn't get this place. but there was this whole hot air balloon competition some place. and it was such a beautiful and rare sight, seeing so many hot air balloons in the sky at one place. then there was also this video about these really insane guys canoeing in these really insane rapids. INSANE stuff. and while they're speaking to the camera, they're licking the blood of their faces. insane. but cool.
then i was watching this big foot documentary. it was rather interesting. a couple of red indians were also interviewed. some believe that the bigfoot is real. and that there are different kinds. and that there is one with hypnotic powers. i find it hard to imagine that a big hairy creature which looks like the missing link holds hypnotic powers. wow. some people who had seen it were also interviewed. and some who had seen it had decided to go back there with a camera crew to find it. the footage looked like something out of blair witch project. spooky. yet silly. a bunch of humans looking for a scare to set their andrenaline pumping.
saw a lot of interesting stuff on tv this afternoon. who says tv's all that bad?
hey check out the home section of straits times today. the one about people protesting against the war in iraq. what a laugh. compare the pictures between the protest staged in singapore with that in sidney. A LAUGH, i tell you! 6 and 4000! hahaha.
decided to take out the electric to play after a long, long time. sounds good, still. my friends gave it to me as a present for my 14th birthday. oh, you guys! =)
it's only the afternoon and i've had alot of things to say. and i've only really been awake for about 5 hours today. someone seems quite chatty today.
so i took a bath. went down and sat myself on the sofa with a packet of oreos, the newspapers and mtv playing infront of me. i was pretty much infront of the tv the whole afternoon until 3pm. i was flipping between 2 channels. discovery travel and adventure and mtv. i wrote down some unique places to visit when i get the money. i have all the time in the world, but not the money. and well, on mtv, who should be playing but U2. one of their concerts. they sound damn good live! and they are so professional. the whole place was packed. so many people. it was unbelievable. U2 seems to have this certain aura about them. i was only at home watching them perform live on tv. i wasn't even there, but i was in awe. i was inspired. their old songs, their new songs. they all sound so good. the concert was smokin! if i really was there, i don't know what i'd do. i'd probably be one of those ridiculous fainting people at michael jackson concerts, the ones you see on tv. NO WAY!
well, there are some places i want to go to. i want to go to cornwell, England. to those mysterious looking-greenhouses. that look like beehives of astronauts in space. i want to go luging at this place in new zealand. and to this farm in hawaii where there are fainting goats. fainting goats! it's like you're chasing these goats and next thing you know, they are suddenly paralysed and faint for like maybe 4 or 5 seconds. then they stand up and start running again. how queer! how i must see them!
my brother told me he learnt about them in bio. how it's because of this certain gene in them. i really wish i took bio. i really do have a keen interest in it. maybe if i had, i might still have been able to keep 4subjects. F maths! who was i kidding. haha.
anyway i also want to go up in a hot air balloon. i switched on the tv too late so i couldn't get this place. but there was this whole hot air balloon competition some place. and it was such a beautiful and rare sight, seeing so many hot air balloons in the sky at one place. then there was also this video about these really insane guys canoeing in these really insane rapids. INSANE stuff. and while they're speaking to the camera, they're licking the blood of their faces. insane. but cool.
then i was watching this big foot documentary. it was rather interesting. a couple of red indians were also interviewed. some believe that the bigfoot is real. and that there are different kinds. and that there is one with hypnotic powers. i find it hard to imagine that a big hairy creature which looks like the missing link holds hypnotic powers. wow. some people who had seen it were also interviewed. and some who had seen it had decided to go back there with a camera crew to find it. the footage looked like something out of blair witch project. spooky. yet silly. a bunch of humans looking for a scare to set their andrenaline pumping.
saw a lot of interesting stuff on tv this afternoon. who says tv's all that bad?
hey check out the home section of straits times today. the one about people protesting against the war in iraq. what a laugh. compare the pictures between the protest staged in singapore with that in sidney. A LAUGH, i tell you! 6 and 4000! hahaha.
decided to take out the electric to play after a long, long time. sounds good, still. my friends gave it to me as a present for my 14th birthday. oh, you guys! =)
it's only the afternoon and i've had alot of things to say. and i've only really been awake for about 5 hours today. someone seems quite chatty today.
bittersweet. just the way i like it. life, that is. a bittersweet symphony. which happens to be playing now. and so goes the day.
i like it when it's not so perfect. it's imperfections make me love it even more. then it has that certain glimmer, that certain shine. it becomes more beautiful. the kind of thing that makes me want to cry and smile at the same time. that makes me go "aah". like enya's music. like chocolate. like jimmy eat world. like sunsets. like U2. like coke. (but i'm getting over the addiction, i think.) like....soooo many things. what's there to love in this life, you ask? what's there not to, i say. like love.
doesn't a word start looking weird after you stare too long at it. that's what's happening to the word "like" now. what a weird-looking word. what kinda word is that? =P
so i screwed up some exam papers. but hey, i probably won't even remember i had term exams in late feb, 2003, many years down the road. what i'll remember is the simple things that made me smile and look forward to waking up every morning, even when my eyes screamed "nO!" and my body was stuck to the bed with some imaginary superglue.
i mean, there still are some things i wish i could do and i wish would happen and i know it might never happen. these things hang over my head like...dark clouds? but hey, dark clouds don't always stay in one place right? they either get blown away, or they burst into rain. and hey, what comes after the rain? go figure.
catch me if u can. good movie. that's what i think. incredible, the way he did all that. i'm in awe if it really did happen. it takes skill, man. skill. some people still owe me money for pizza today and for last week's movie. ahem. or i'll start charging 50% interest. haha. kidding!
alright then, better be taking my shower soon and be a-gettin' out of this uniform i've been wearing since 6.30am.
it was a good day. =)
i like it when it's not so perfect. it's imperfections make me love it even more. then it has that certain glimmer, that certain shine. it becomes more beautiful. the kind of thing that makes me want to cry and smile at the same time. that makes me go "aah". like enya's music. like chocolate. like jimmy eat world. like sunsets. like U2. like coke. (but i'm getting over the addiction, i think.) like....soooo many things. what's there to love in this life, you ask? what's there not to, i say. like love.
doesn't a word start looking weird after you stare too long at it. that's what's happening to the word "like" now. what a weird-looking word. what kinda word is that? =P
so i screwed up some exam papers. but hey, i probably won't even remember i had term exams in late feb, 2003, many years down the road. what i'll remember is the simple things that made me smile and look forward to waking up every morning, even when my eyes screamed "nO!" and my body was stuck to the bed with some imaginary superglue.
i mean, there still are some things i wish i could do and i wish would happen and i know it might never happen. these things hang over my head like...dark clouds? but hey, dark clouds don't always stay in one place right? they either get blown away, or they burst into rain. and hey, what comes after the rain? go figure.
catch me if u can. good movie. that's what i think. incredible, the way he did all that. i'm in awe if it really did happen. it takes skill, man. skill. some people still owe me money for pizza today and for last week's movie. ahem. or i'll start charging 50% interest. haha. kidding!
alright then, better be taking my shower soon and be a-gettin' out of this uniform i've been wearing since 6.30am.
it was a good day. =)
Thursday, February 20, 2003
the flu bug bit me.
had two exams today. gp and chemistry.
came home and slept all the way. "may cause drowsiness blablabla". that's what the tablets packaging said. i was drowsy alright. i was in alpha state already when i was in the bus home. almost missed my stop.
tomorrow i have c maths and physics. and i just woke up. and i haven't touched either. damn. shall go do so soon. soon.
i really want to do well for term exams. who doesn't right? but i mean, i really wanna do well! sitting on this chair typing about it ain't gonna help much.
later.
=p
had two exams today. gp and chemistry.
came home and slept all the way. "may cause drowsiness blablabla". that's what the tablets packaging said. i was drowsy alright. i was in alpha state already when i was in the bus home. almost missed my stop.
tomorrow i have c maths and physics. and i just woke up. and i haven't touched either. damn. shall go do so soon. soon.
i really want to do well for term exams. who doesn't right? but i mean, i really wanna do well! sitting on this chair typing about it ain't gonna help much.
later.
=p
Wednesday, February 19, 2003
i don't feel so good today. i don't feel so happy. i tried not to voice those feelings out the whole day, thinking that if i actually did, it would be much worse. but it's worse now. there are things i don't wanna feel. but can't help feeling. and i hate myself for it. why do i always do this to myself? i really ruin lotsa things. no wonder the good days don't seem to last as long as they should. what the hell do you think you're doing, shireen?
but there really are some things i cannot control. and i know i'd never want to control them. because then, it wouldn't be real.
and those are the times i wish people wouldn't be so blind. or rather, i wouldn't be so mute. guess the ones who really should will never know what i wanna say to them, all this time, for so long. they'll never know how they made me feel, good or bad. i really wish i didn't have to make people so important. letting them affect the way i feel and how my day goes. but it's hard to do otherwise.
i really have to pour out all this crap. piss it all away. nice song by puddle of mudd by the way. yea. when i'm really sad sometimes, i'll go to the loo and hide in a cubicle and cry it all out. when i'm done crying, i just flush all the used tissues away. it helps. it's like flushing all the troubles away. i do it all the time when i can't take it anymore.
i want to stop feeling this way. i want them to know without me saying so. what am i expecting? how can i expect anything this way?
guess that's always been a problem. too bad for you, shireen.
but there really are some things i cannot control. and i know i'd never want to control them. because then, it wouldn't be real.
and those are the times i wish people wouldn't be so blind. or rather, i wouldn't be so mute. guess the ones who really should will never know what i wanna say to them, all this time, for so long. they'll never know how they made me feel, good or bad. i really wish i didn't have to make people so important. letting them affect the way i feel and how my day goes. but it's hard to do otherwise.
i really have to pour out all this crap. piss it all away. nice song by puddle of mudd by the way. yea. when i'm really sad sometimes, i'll go to the loo and hide in a cubicle and cry it all out. when i'm done crying, i just flush all the used tissues away. it helps. it's like flushing all the troubles away. i do it all the time when i can't take it anymore.
i want to stop feeling this way. i want them to know without me saying so. what am i expecting? how can i expect anything this way?
guess that's always been a problem. too bad for you, shireen.
Tuesday, February 18, 2003
hola!
i just checked my SATS results. it took alot of guts. and when i finally braced myself, the stupid page took so long to open and didn't open in the end.so i just went back to the site and rushed to get my scores with a certain kind of urgentness. and before i knew it, it was staring into my face. took a while to register that i was actually looking at the scores.
funny thing is, i totally forgot about it until just now when my friend messaged me on icq. the stupid boy was damn sad. stupid is a contradiction. the guy got 800 for verbal. if u're reading this now, you silly boy, i still maintain that i'd slap you shitless. haha.
but i'm quite happy with my scores. considering i hardly practised, though i insisted to my parents that i did. and that it was a really big improvement from the mock SATs i've been taking. not too sure about taking it again. the more, the merrier? some things in life are better kept rationed.
i have to finish chem tonight!!! i must!! so i can start physics!! physics!! aargh!! i'm even scared for my GP. it really sucks. ah blah!
dinner calls. my stomach leaps. "why are you still sitting there, you moron? fill me!"
i just checked my SATS results. it took alot of guts. and when i finally braced myself, the stupid page took so long to open and didn't open in the end.so i just went back to the site and rushed to get my scores with a certain kind of urgentness. and before i knew it, it was staring into my face. took a while to register that i was actually looking at the scores.
funny thing is, i totally forgot about it until just now when my friend messaged me on icq. the stupid boy was damn sad. stupid is a contradiction. the guy got 800 for verbal. if u're reading this now, you silly boy, i still maintain that i'd slap you shitless. haha.
but i'm quite happy with my scores. considering i hardly practised, though i insisted to my parents that i did. and that it was a really big improvement from the mock SATs i've been taking. not too sure about taking it again. the more, the merrier? some things in life are better kept rationed.
i have to finish chem tonight!!! i must!! so i can start physics!! physics!! aargh!! i'm even scared for my GP. it really sucks. ah blah!
dinner calls. my stomach leaps. "why are you still sitting there, you moron? fill me!"
Monday, February 17, 2003
i was watching this documentary on steam trains in india on the national geographic channel just now. can u believe it? i was tearing. i would've wept out loud but my dad was sitting next to me. it was just a documentary after all. but it was so beautiful. the steam trains. it was a way of life. it was so sad to see some stations being closed down and some trains being auctioned off as the lives of steam trains and stations came to a conclusion. they became condemned. yes, that was the word used. it was sad to see how such a vital and large part of the lives of many people had been taken away, shut down, because of the end of the reign of the steam train era.
a man was interviewed. he looked so sad. he said, while watching a train being dismantled infront of him, that "it was like watching his son or daughter or a closed loved one being cut up into pieces and yet not being able to do anything about it but stand there and watch". he talked about the music of the trains and even attempted to immitate the noises. he talked about how he feels all alone now. as people get on with their lives, a huge part of him stands desolate, with those abandoned trains, now worth only for their scrap metal prices. i felt sad gazing upon the faces of the station master, of the men of steel who fed the train its fuel and ran it, of the widow who worked in the station since her husband committed suicide, having not been promoted. i felt something warm rise in me as i saw the little village children chasing the trains. i was amused at the way people crossed the tracks like they do on the busy roads in serangoon road in singapore even as the oncoming train was less than 8 metres away. only one steam train has been preserved in india so far. the himalayan princess or something like that. i hope to be able to go on that adventure one day.
my dad's eyes were as transfixed to the screen as mine was. he had spent a few years of his childhood in india. he had jumped on and off the trains as they were moving, like those people in the documentary. he had been there. the pondicherri express. those train stations. maybe not the exact ones on the documentary. but it was close enough. i don't know about you, but for me, it's tragic to see something fall apart, to see it being left aside to rot away and disintegrate. the song little earthquakes by tori amos comes to mind at this point.
i want to buy this $4000over keyboard(music). it's really neat. alot of functions. a floppy disk drive. and it just looks awesome. i want it. i want it. i want it. i'm in love. aaaah. i do have an electric organ but it's really old. and i can't carry it to the computer to record my songs. someone give it to me. now! =P
spent the afternoon writing vday notes (only 3) after i came home. next thing i know i was dead to the world. on my bed. all it took to put me there was a few pages of my chem notes. i only awoke at about 8 for dinner. and was glued to the telly by the tale of the trains. then i took my doggie for a walkie and he was so naughty so i shortened his walk. not like he cared. the lazy bugger. who's always jumping to go for a walk and gets tired after 10 min of it. silly reno.
i've got to finish my chem assignment. and organic chem. or part of it. the formula for a sleep-inducing drug.
a man was interviewed. he looked so sad. he said, while watching a train being dismantled infront of him, that "it was like watching his son or daughter or a closed loved one being cut up into pieces and yet not being able to do anything about it but stand there and watch". he talked about the music of the trains and even attempted to immitate the noises. he talked about how he feels all alone now. as people get on with their lives, a huge part of him stands desolate, with those abandoned trains, now worth only for their scrap metal prices. i felt sad gazing upon the faces of the station master, of the men of steel who fed the train its fuel and ran it, of the widow who worked in the station since her husband committed suicide, having not been promoted. i felt something warm rise in me as i saw the little village children chasing the trains. i was amused at the way people crossed the tracks like they do on the busy roads in serangoon road in singapore even as the oncoming train was less than 8 metres away. only one steam train has been preserved in india so far. the himalayan princess or something like that. i hope to be able to go on that adventure one day.
my dad's eyes were as transfixed to the screen as mine was. he had spent a few years of his childhood in india. he had jumped on and off the trains as they were moving, like those people in the documentary. he had been there. the pondicherri express. those train stations. maybe not the exact ones on the documentary. but it was close enough. i don't know about you, but for me, it's tragic to see something fall apart, to see it being left aside to rot away and disintegrate. the song little earthquakes by tori amos comes to mind at this point.
i want to buy this $4000over keyboard(music). it's really neat. alot of functions. a floppy disk drive. and it just looks awesome. i want it. i want it. i want it. i'm in love. aaaah. i do have an electric organ but it's really old. and i can't carry it to the computer to record my songs. someone give it to me. now! =P
spent the afternoon writing vday notes (only 3) after i came home. next thing i know i was dead to the world. on my bed. all it took to put me there was a few pages of my chem notes. i only awoke at about 8 for dinner. and was glued to the telly by the tale of the trains. then i took my doggie for a walkie and he was so naughty so i shortened his walk. not like he cared. the lazy bugger. who's always jumping to go for a walk and gets tired after 10 min of it. silly reno.
i've got to finish my chem assignment. and organic chem. or part of it. the formula for a sleep-inducing drug.
Sunday, February 16, 2003
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA.
i actually thought i'd be studying chem tonight. what happened? i went to my room, sat on the bed, and that was it.....zzzzzzzzz.
i just had to download icqlite. was encountering some stupid runtime problem so i couldn't open the icq PRO. what the hell is this runtime thing? something to do with microsoft c+ or something. i'm a dummy at computers.
so there i was just now, preparing for catechism class tomorrow. it's sunday school basically. i just decided to teach this year, realising that my years of attending catechism weren't too fruitful and i'd immersed myelf in catholism not fully understanding in.by teaching now, i'm actually learning much more. reading up more about it. understanding the theories and concepts. questioning more. i believe in always searching for the truth. and well, at this moment, i do believe in God, i do subscribe to and agree with the teachings of jesus. he was a rather cool guy with real wise-ass answers that stumped the smart-allecks. and he was always defying the norms of society, abandoning its foolishness, and its lust for the worthless, befriending the tax-collectors and the prostitutes and the children whose opinions didn't matter to others. i guess the reason why i'm still staying on this path is because of that, and also because, the root of this path is love. and isn't love such a beautiful thing. god is certainly one helluva genius. love. what a creation. can u imagine life without love?
anyway i read up what i'm supposed to go through with my group tomorrow. and i have alot of questions because what goes on in reality seems to contradict what i've been reading up about catholism.
i believe that religion is just a way of life governed by a system of beliefs. and so, to each, his own. it's really subjective. i'm still learning. at the end of the day, all i want is the truth and to be truly joyous inside. not the fake kind of joy. the joy you get which only god ecan explain. the joy only the grace and love of god can provide.
the bottom line now. i do believe there's god. and yea, i have my reasons. some of which derive from really simple things which are yet so impactful. i'll tal;k about those some other time.
anyway since religion is such a subjective thing, noone really has the right to judge anyone else. how can i tell you that what you believe in is wrong? isn't existence based on faith? however, we should never stop striving for the truth. we should always keep an open mind at that, and never stray from our principles, what we believe in.
my dad always says that man's worst enemy is a closed mind. i somehow believe that to be true.
i actually thought i'd be studying chem tonight. what happened? i went to my room, sat on the bed, and that was it.....zzzzzzzzz.
i just had to download icqlite. was encountering some stupid runtime problem so i couldn't open the icq PRO. what the hell is this runtime thing? something to do with microsoft c+ or something. i'm a dummy at computers.
so there i was just now, preparing for catechism class tomorrow. it's sunday school basically. i just decided to teach this year, realising that my years of attending catechism weren't too fruitful and i'd immersed myelf in catholism not fully understanding in.by teaching now, i'm actually learning much more. reading up more about it. understanding the theories and concepts. questioning more. i believe in always searching for the truth. and well, at this moment, i do believe in God, i do subscribe to and agree with the teachings of jesus. he was a rather cool guy with real wise-ass answers that stumped the smart-allecks. and he was always defying the norms of society, abandoning its foolishness, and its lust for the worthless, befriending the tax-collectors and the prostitutes and the children whose opinions didn't matter to others. i guess the reason why i'm still staying on this path is because of that, and also because, the root of this path is love. and isn't love such a beautiful thing. god is certainly one helluva genius. love. what a creation. can u imagine life without love?
anyway i read up what i'm supposed to go through with my group tomorrow. and i have alot of questions because what goes on in reality seems to contradict what i've been reading up about catholism.
i believe that religion is just a way of life governed by a system of beliefs. and so, to each, his own. it's really subjective. i'm still learning. at the end of the day, all i want is the truth and to be truly joyous inside. not the fake kind of joy. the joy you get which only god ecan explain. the joy only the grace and love of god can provide.
the bottom line now. i do believe there's god. and yea, i have my reasons. some of which derive from really simple things which are yet so impactful. i'll tal;k about those some other time.
anyway since religion is such a subjective thing, noone really has the right to judge anyone else. how can i tell you that what you believe in is wrong? isn't existence based on faith? however, we should never stop striving for the truth. we should always keep an open mind at that, and never stray from our principles, what we believe in.
my dad always says that man's worst enemy is a closed mind. i somehow believe that to be true.
Saturday, February 15, 2003
so i know i've never done anything much for my friends for valentines before. and i know that valentines is over.but guilt got the better of me. i just spent the last 3 hours shopping for presents. of course, in the process, i splurged a bit on myself. maybe too much. i finally got myself a notebook though. been relying on mental memory the whole year for everthing and of course, mars' notebook and a few others.
3 hrs of non-stop walking and shopping. not too bad for someone who only got 4hrs of sleeep last night and spent the morning frying in her sweat under the hot sun for soccer finals. yes, the queens were defeated. but ali baba was really good. they deserved it. nevertheless, we've no regrets. it was all fun and good. girls are so friendly when we play. just as i was asking nadia why there were no catfights, 2 guys started shoving each other on the pitch. they looked quite stupid really. more goofy than fierce, if anything. each team only got to share one trophy and a hamper. the soccer guys should have publisized about it more. it was really quite fun. silly boys. could've made more money. so many bright-eyed enthusiastic young AC girls out there just aching to play soccer...thanks to joycelin for coming down last minute to help us. happy birthday too! =)
gosh i am so sleepy now! wonder what we'll be doing for dinner. i'm gonna have to start studying tonight. i must. stupid icq's cocking up. heck it. then, i'll get outta here faster. before i start rotting as usual.
3 hrs of non-stop walking and shopping. not too bad for someone who only got 4hrs of sleeep last night and spent the morning frying in her sweat under the hot sun for soccer finals. yes, the queens were defeated. but ali baba was really good. they deserved it. nevertheless, we've no regrets. it was all fun and good. girls are so friendly when we play. just as i was asking nadia why there were no catfights, 2 guys started shoving each other on the pitch. they looked quite stupid really. more goofy than fierce, if anything. each team only got to share one trophy and a hamper. the soccer guys should have publisized about it more. it was really quite fun. silly boys. could've made more money. so many bright-eyed enthusiastic young AC girls out there just aching to play soccer...thanks to joycelin for coming down last minute to help us. happy birthday too! =)
gosh i am so sleepy now! wonder what we'll be doing for dinner. i'm gonna have to start studying tonight. i must. stupid icq's cocking up. heck it. then, i'll get outta here faster. before i start rotting as usual.
just got back from supper and movie. movie --> DOWN. a movie about elevators killing people. about elevators with a life of their own. the best part was yun wei's scream. the ultimate shocker. every horror movie when watched, needs a good screamer in the audience, for that jolt, that extra kick. but i almost died of a heart-attack of course. or was it from the stitches because of the laughing during the aftermath.
supper was at nooch before the show. and i had yaki udon and boy was it good. tangy lemony flavour. good stuff there.
ok the finals are really tomorrow. and i should be resting now. gotta kick the other team's ass! we have to. there's no choice. (shrugs)
it was a fine day. valentines. no i didn't really have a ..date. or flowers. but everyone was just being so sweet. it was heart-warming. even though i'm not one who thinks much of vday. too much chocolates and sweets. yun gave me bak kwa! cut out in heart shapes! one can never have too much chocolate really...there's no such thing as too much chocolate.
i know it's saturday and it's a new day and all....but the day(friday) ain't over till it really is. till i lie on my bed and shut the world away from my sight. and bid farewell to friday.
i have lots to say. but i really must sleep. i only have 4 hrs of it left. so all i have to say has to wait.but it'll probably forever hold its peace. make love not war. happy vday. (it still is to me, at this point)
supper was at nooch before the show. and i had yaki udon and boy was it good. tangy lemony flavour. good stuff there.
ok the finals are really tomorrow. and i should be resting now. gotta kick the other team's ass! we have to. there's no choice. (shrugs)
it was a fine day. valentines. no i didn't really have a ..date. or flowers. but everyone was just being so sweet. it was heart-warming. even though i'm not one who thinks much of vday. too much chocolates and sweets. yun gave me bak kwa! cut out in heart shapes! one can never have too much chocolate really...there's no such thing as too much chocolate.
i know it's saturday and it's a new day and all....but the day(friday) ain't over till it really is. till i lie on my bed and shut the world away from my sight. and bid farewell to friday.
i have lots to say. but i really must sleep. i only have 4 hrs of it left. so all i have to say has to wait.but it'll probably forever hold its peace. make love not war. happy vday. (it still is to me, at this point)
Thursday, February 13, 2003
ok so the final match wasn't today. it's supposed to be on saturday. saturday, dammit. i was thinking of sleeping in after the long, wicked night i'll be sharing with my gal pals tomorrow. dammit, dammit, dammit. for this, we'd better win! with a vengeance.
thursdays are social days i tell you. i come to school for two blocks of malay, 1 block of gp, one block of chem lecture, one block of c maths tutorial(social lesson), a 2hr 45 min break. then one block of physics tutorial(whihch was another social session today). seriously, i'll bring my teaset next week. but wait, it's term exams next week. silly me. and i don't really have a masak-masak tea set. my mom would freak if i took the blue and white china set.
terence has gone mad. will someone please fix his little brain? =P
can't wait for tomorrow. our lil girl's night out and pyjama party. bet it's nothing new. but it's all good. i'm soooo damn sleepy. but i just couldn't put that book down last night, and before assembly today, and during the 2hr45 min free block, and my long journey back home, and my hour plus of stoning on the couch. i'm almost at the end. but i decided i had to go to the toilet. so why the hell am i typing out a blog instead?
the making of minty malone. really funny book. was giggling to myself in the bus and train just now. ok, i don't really giggle.
my gp essays are so stagnated.i bore myself to death writing them. what about the one reading them? i feel lousy about it. i used to be good at essays. now i suck big-time. please help.
ok, yes, i'm coming! the toilet calls. or is it nature?
thursdays are social days i tell you. i come to school for two blocks of malay, 1 block of gp, one block of chem lecture, one block of c maths tutorial(social lesson), a 2hr 45 min break. then one block of physics tutorial(whihch was another social session today). seriously, i'll bring my teaset next week. but wait, it's term exams next week. silly me. and i don't really have a masak-masak tea set. my mom would freak if i took the blue and white china set.
terence has gone mad. will someone please fix his little brain? =P
can't wait for tomorrow. our lil girl's night out and pyjama party. bet it's nothing new. but it's all good. i'm soooo damn sleepy. but i just couldn't put that book down last night, and before assembly today, and during the 2hr45 min free block, and my long journey back home, and my hour plus of stoning on the couch. i'm almost at the end. but i decided i had to go to the toilet. so why the hell am i typing out a blog instead?
the making of minty malone. really funny book. was giggling to myself in the bus and train just now. ok, i don't really giggle.
my gp essays are so stagnated.i bore myself to death writing them. what about the one reading them? i feel lousy about it. i used to be good at essays. now i suck big-time. please help.
ok, yes, i'm coming! the toilet calls. or is it nature?
"one is the loneliest number that you'd ever do
two can be as bad as one
it's the loneliest number since the number one
no is the saddest experience you'll ever know
yes is the saddest experience you'll ever know.
cos is one is the loneliest number that you'll ever know.
one is the loneliest number
even worse than two.
yeah.
it's just no good anymore since you went away
now i spend my time just making a bunch of yesterdays."
then he starts shouting .."one is the loneliest number since you went away!!" trying to drill it into his ex's thick skull or something.
he sounds like a confused, lonely, heart-broken guy, what with all that angst in his voice. and i like the song. it just sounds good. i decided to play it. one by filter. because i heard it on an adidas advert today. funny thing is, it sounded nothing like filter. it was sung by a girl. or someone with a feminine voice. and it was nowhere as near as angsty as the one by filter.
tomorrow is the finals for the futsal thing. let's hope we really do live up to our name. queens of the D. we must reign all of the D. the ball must become out sceptre. and the referee must enjoy his lil ice-cream treat. just kidding. we don't need to do that right, girls? queens? our royal highnesses? let's not get this to our heads yet. we still have one more game to go.
term exams are next week. i should i start studying soon. (shireen, you think??) i really want to do well. i didn't drop f maths for nothing. definitely not just for the free blocks, though i love them immensely. and i have a malay compo test tomorrow. that totally SUCKS. why? 1) cos i'm not even thinking of keeping malay after the As results come out. 2) i'm not even thinking of keeping malay after the As results come out. 3) i'm not even thinking of....
you get the idea.
my brother, pravin, just got his specs today. now the whole family wears specs except me. he does look not too bad in them. but i hope i don't ever have to wear them. i'll look like a complete...ok people say i look like a school teacher in specs. or an ah mah. ok better rest my eyes and get off this com!
two can be as bad as one
it's the loneliest number since the number one
no is the saddest experience you'll ever know
yes is the saddest experience you'll ever know.
cos is one is the loneliest number that you'll ever know.
one is the loneliest number
even worse than two.
yeah.
it's just no good anymore since you went away
now i spend my time just making a bunch of yesterdays."
then he starts shouting .."one is the loneliest number since you went away!!" trying to drill it into his ex's thick skull or something.
he sounds like a confused, lonely, heart-broken guy, what with all that angst in his voice. and i like the song. it just sounds good. i decided to play it. one by filter. because i heard it on an adidas advert today. funny thing is, it sounded nothing like filter. it was sung by a girl. or someone with a feminine voice. and it was nowhere as near as angsty as the one by filter.
tomorrow is the finals for the futsal thing. let's hope we really do live up to our name. queens of the D. we must reign all of the D. the ball must become out sceptre. and the referee must enjoy his lil ice-cream treat. just kidding. we don't need to do that right, girls? queens? our royal highnesses? let's not get this to our heads yet. we still have one more game to go.
term exams are next week. i should i start studying soon. (shireen, you think??) i really want to do well. i didn't drop f maths for nothing. definitely not just for the free blocks, though i love them immensely. and i have a malay compo test tomorrow. that totally SUCKS. why? 1) cos i'm not even thinking of keeping malay after the As results come out. 2) i'm not even thinking of keeping malay after the As results come out. 3) i'm not even thinking of....
you get the idea.
my brother, pravin, just got his specs today. now the whole family wears specs except me. he does look not too bad in them. but i hope i don't ever have to wear them. i'll look like a complete...ok people say i look like a school teacher in specs. or an ah mah. ok better rest my eyes and get off this com!
Wednesday, February 12, 2003
"and i'm trying not to feel this music's for real...." 57 by biffy clyro. a gem. cool uneven rhythm. heart-pulling vocals. what the heck, just take a listen yourself.
i know i said i had alot of things to do today. but now i find myself at home. nowadays, i'm a tad too lazy to get up and go out there. maybe i'm just too lazy to pick up the phone and call a few friends out. maybe i'm just too lazy to go through the hassle of dressing up. maybe i'm just too lazy to go out of my way and walk to the bus-stop to take that bus. maybe i'm just too lazy to get off this chair. maybe i'm just too contented bumming, a thing i rarely get to do unless it's the holidays.
"after all these years, forget about the troubled times. and after all these years i was hurting to feel something more than life." after all these years by silverchair. great vocals too. the kind that tugs at your heart because of the way the voice strains to reach those slightly high notes. and now "walk on" by U2's playing. "you could have flown away, a singing bird in an open cage who will only fly, only fly for freedom..."
the big V is coming. valentines day. my brother is appalled i ain't going out with any guy. what's the big deal? i don't know. all these guys who get so hung up about not having a date on friday. wake up! get over it...it's no big deal.love is born everyday, not just on valentine's day. not everyone was born on the same day.
we haven't turned around by gomez. haven't heard this in a while. not too bad. ah unfinished sympathy by massive attack. i dig some of massive attack's songs. not too bad. real groovy, a bit like portishead. slow, groovy, alternative. i like.
think i'll get some reading done now. nothing like escaping into another world, on a lazy holiday afternoon. escapism. that's why i read. books are doors to other worlds, all different from mine. stepping into someone else's shoes and walking in them. feeling all their emotions. reading all their thoughts. tasting their champagnes. feeling the wind forced out of their lungs when someone punches them in the stomach. feeling their anxiety and fear as they know they're losing someoone close to them. shedding their tears when they eventually do. laughing at the way life amuses them. fuming at the boyfriends who cheat on them. getting wasted and sharing in their delusions as they consume drugs and booze. excuse me. i'm just a girl, i get all emotional and personal. =P
"and i know it aches, how your heart it breaks, you can only take so much....walk on...."
i know i said i had alot of things to do today. but now i find myself at home. nowadays, i'm a tad too lazy to get up and go out there. maybe i'm just too lazy to pick up the phone and call a few friends out. maybe i'm just too lazy to go through the hassle of dressing up. maybe i'm just too lazy to go out of my way and walk to the bus-stop to take that bus. maybe i'm just too lazy to get off this chair. maybe i'm just too contented bumming, a thing i rarely get to do unless it's the holidays.
"after all these years, forget about the troubled times. and after all these years i was hurting to feel something more than life." after all these years by silverchair. great vocals too. the kind that tugs at your heart because of the way the voice strains to reach those slightly high notes. and now "walk on" by U2's playing. "you could have flown away, a singing bird in an open cage who will only fly, only fly for freedom..."
the big V is coming. valentines day. my brother is appalled i ain't going out with any guy. what's the big deal? i don't know. all these guys who get so hung up about not having a date on friday. wake up! get over it...it's no big deal.love is born everyday, not just on valentine's day. not everyone was born on the same day.
we haven't turned around by gomez. haven't heard this in a while. not too bad. ah unfinished sympathy by massive attack. i dig some of massive attack's songs. not too bad. real groovy, a bit like portishead. slow, groovy, alternative. i like.
think i'll get some reading done now. nothing like escaping into another world, on a lazy holiday afternoon. escapism. that's why i read. books are doors to other worlds, all different from mine. stepping into someone else's shoes and walking in them. feeling all their emotions. reading all their thoughts. tasting their champagnes. feeling the wind forced out of their lungs when someone punches them in the stomach. feeling their anxiety and fear as they know they're losing someoone close to them. shedding their tears when they eventually do. laughing at the way life amuses them. fuming at the boyfriends who cheat on them. getting wasted and sharing in their delusions as they consume drugs and booze. excuse me. i'm just a girl, i get all emotional and personal. =P
"and i know it aches, how your heart it breaks, you can only take so much....walk on...."
queens of the D. we rock. we really do. =P
took part in the futsal thingy today. only 4 girls teams altogether. but it was really quite fun. and we made alot of new friends. like practically half of my team was changed and the whole team was made up of people from all over the place who had no connection with each other prior to today. it was kinda cool. the fact that a team like that could pull through and now we're in the finals! let's hope we can kick ass then. take home the gleaming gold.
spent half an hour trying to hail a bloody cab just now. stupid cabs wouldn't come, wouldn't stop. see, i was trying to rush down to robertson walk to celebrate nurul's birthday. the taxi stand reminded me of a name my dad once said would be cool for a rock band, having been inspired by a taxi stand which used to stand in serangoon gardens. "the dead taxis". that phrase just kept running through my mind just now. the dead taxis. the dead taxi stand at buona vista mrt station. anyway the dinner was held at sketches! i love the cheese ravioli there. it's to die for. and it's been ages since i put some in my mouth. however, i went home in the end. was too sick and tired of the stupid cabs playing hard-to-get with poor, tired, old shireen. and i mean, really tired, sleepy shireen. thank goodness i'll be waking up to a holiday. these unearthly hours are getting to me. wesley thinks i wake up at 3 am just to come to school just because i said my house is so far away from school. he's been making quite a lot of sense these days. lol. nevertheless, 6am is still unearthly.
thank you sheryl for giving me bak kwa today. you can't begin to imagine the aching and pining of my heart for those few pieces of sweet, juicy, barbequed pock. so tantalising. mamamia!. yun and i walloped it in no time. we need more! more! meanwhile, thanks! =)
i'm rather disciplined, aren't i? been blogging daily. wow. ok i'm rather tired today and sleep beckons. so..happy holidays and good night!
took part in the futsal thingy today. only 4 girls teams altogether. but it was really quite fun. and we made alot of new friends. like practically half of my team was changed and the whole team was made up of people from all over the place who had no connection with each other prior to today. it was kinda cool. the fact that a team like that could pull through and now we're in the finals! let's hope we can kick ass then. take home the gleaming gold.
spent half an hour trying to hail a bloody cab just now. stupid cabs wouldn't come, wouldn't stop. see, i was trying to rush down to robertson walk to celebrate nurul's birthday. the taxi stand reminded me of a name my dad once said would be cool for a rock band, having been inspired by a taxi stand which used to stand in serangoon gardens. "the dead taxis". that phrase just kept running through my mind just now. the dead taxis. the dead taxi stand at buona vista mrt station. anyway the dinner was held at sketches! i love the cheese ravioli there. it's to die for. and it's been ages since i put some in my mouth. however, i went home in the end. was too sick and tired of the stupid cabs playing hard-to-get with poor, tired, old shireen. and i mean, really tired, sleepy shireen. thank goodness i'll be waking up to a holiday. these unearthly hours are getting to me. wesley thinks i wake up at 3 am just to come to school just because i said my house is so far away from school. he's been making quite a lot of sense these days. lol. nevertheless, 6am is still unearthly.
thank you sheryl for giving me bak kwa today. you can't begin to imagine the aching and pining of my heart for those few pieces of sweet, juicy, barbequed pock. so tantalising. mamamia!. yun and i walloped it in no time. we need more! more! meanwhile, thanks! =)
i'm rather disciplined, aren't i? been blogging daily. wow. ok i'm rather tired today and sleep beckons. so..happy holidays and good night!
Tuesday, February 11, 2003
today is my cousin's birthday. the only thing is, we can't actually blow the candles out with him physically. see, he's in some other place now. and i choose to believe, a better one. he was really special. and when dheeraj bid us farewell, it was not easy, for many. he made me/us realise things i never knew before. basically, his passing from this world was a form of liberation, even in the midst of all the sadness. it's been a couple of years really. 3 or 4?
happy birthday, my little cuz. we never ever forgot you. lots of love, shireen. =)
happy birthday, my little cuz. we never ever forgot you. lots of love, shireen. =)
Monday, February 10, 2003
i love that song.
what if what if what if what are you gonna do? i don't know. jamie said something today. "something could have happened so many times before it actually happened." i was telling her about how i almost ended up in MGS and how i probably might have actually got to know her then. but things worked out some other way, and i only finally got to know her when i stepped into AC. she was an MG girl. it's true. everything happens in His own time. so if we don't get what we want now, hang around a bit. something better is probably coming our way.
"nobody said it was easy...it's such a shame for us to part...nobody said it was easy....noone ever said it would be this hard...i'll take it back to the start..." and the bass and drums comes in a bit later, and it's all so ...aaaaah. that's what it makes you say.."aaaaah". the scientist by coldplay.
i was a heroine for a few seconds today. i saved a guy's hand. his hand got stuck between the lift doors and no matter what he did, it just would not open. poor kid. so i coolly walked to the buttons and pressed it, and set his poor hand free.he quickly walked into the lift, probably cussing under his breath. "why aren't the ****ing sensors dooing their ****ing job?" it didn't help that the final destination lift scene started playing in my head.
maybe i'll just talk about how i felt today. i was kinda irritated about something. a little sleepy. a few times, pleasantly amused. and at those times, entertained. a couple of times, there was a warm feeling in my heart. no, it wasn't love. i'm happy today. not delirious with joy. there's just none to be sad about. coldplay really grows on you. the songs i deemed boring in the past now echo of the walls of this place. my brother did a good job with the speakers.
"don't you shiv...eeerrrrr....eeer...eeeerrr.......i'll always be waiting for you."
what if what if what if what are you gonna do? i don't know. jamie said something today. "something could have happened so many times before it actually happened." i was telling her about how i almost ended up in MGS and how i probably might have actually got to know her then. but things worked out some other way, and i only finally got to know her when i stepped into AC. she was an MG girl. it's true. everything happens in His own time. so if we don't get what we want now, hang around a bit. something better is probably coming our way.
"nobody said it was easy...it's such a shame for us to part...nobody said it was easy....noone ever said it would be this hard...i'll take it back to the start..." and the bass and drums comes in a bit later, and it's all so ...aaaaah. that's what it makes you say.."aaaaah". the scientist by coldplay.
i was a heroine for a few seconds today. i saved a guy's hand. his hand got stuck between the lift doors and no matter what he did, it just would not open. poor kid. so i coolly walked to the buttons and pressed it, and set his poor hand free.he quickly walked into the lift, probably cussing under his breath. "why aren't the ****ing sensors dooing their ****ing job?" it didn't help that the final destination lift scene started playing in my head.
maybe i'll just talk about how i felt today. i was kinda irritated about something. a little sleepy. a few times, pleasantly amused. and at those times, entertained. a couple of times, there was a warm feeling in my heart. no, it wasn't love. i'm happy today. not delirious with joy. there's just none to be sad about. coldplay really grows on you. the songs i deemed boring in the past now echo of the walls of this place. my brother did a good job with the speakers.
"don't you shiv...eeerrrrr....eeer...eeeerrr.......i'll always be waiting for you."
what if the sun refused to shine?
what if the clouds refused to rain?
what if the wind refused to blow?
what if the seas refused to wave?
what if the world refused its turn?
what if the stars would hesitate?
what if, what is isn't true?
what are you going to do?
what if, what is isn't you?
does that mean you've got to lose?
digging for the feel of something new
what if the silence let you dream?
what if the air could let you breathe?
what if the words would bring you here?
what if this sound could bring you peace?
what if, what is isn't true?
what are you going to do?
digging for the feel of something new
what if, what is isn't you?
what are you going to do?
it came from your thoughts, your dreams and visions
ripped up from your weeks and indecisions
what if the sun refused to shine?
what if the clouds refused to rain?
what if the world refused to turn?
what if the clocks would hesitate?
what if, what is isn't true?
what are you going to do?
what if, what is isn't you?
does that mean you've got to lose?
digging for the feel of something new
does that mean you've got to choose?
the feel of something new
does that mean you've got to lose?
the thoughts you cannot lose
what are you gonna do?
appels + oranjes by smashing pumpkins
what if the clouds refused to rain?
what if the wind refused to blow?
what if the seas refused to wave?
what if the world refused its turn?
what if the stars would hesitate?
what if, what is isn't true?
what are you going to do?
what if, what is isn't you?
does that mean you've got to lose?
digging for the feel of something new
what if the silence let you dream?
what if the air could let you breathe?
what if the words would bring you here?
what if this sound could bring you peace?
what if, what is isn't true?
what are you going to do?
digging for the feel of something new
what if, what is isn't you?
what are you going to do?
it came from your thoughts, your dreams and visions
ripped up from your weeks and indecisions
what if the sun refused to shine?
what if the clouds refused to rain?
what if the world refused to turn?
what if the clocks would hesitate?
what if, what is isn't true?
what are you going to do?
what if, what is isn't you?
does that mean you've got to lose?
digging for the feel of something new
does that mean you've got to choose?
the feel of something new
does that mean you've got to lose?
the thoughts you cannot lose
what are you gonna do?
appels + oranjes by smashing pumpkins
system of a down's "chop suey" is setting up sound waves around me now. self-righteous suicide?
anyway, as we were cycling just now, my brothers and i, we found ourselves at the jetty. and that's where, my brother, pravin, told me all about the ships. not everything, but it was interesting. my dad's shouting like a lunatic now. soccer. anyway, he was telling me about the reason why ships have these red lines on them. the red lines should be completely submerged in the water or they'll have to pay. it's an indication of whether they've got sufficient fuel or not. then singapore gets to make money. and my brother was explaining to me about the ships propellers and how they work, and what would happen if they didn't work that way. he was also telling me how the ships are facing one direction even as i blog now but will be facing a completely new direction in the morning even though they are anchored. then we got down to talking about container vessels and how it's common for containers to fall into the sea and how at least $18 million worth of goods get lost, a year or a day, i'm not sure. i was thinking of making a business out of it, when he recalled my memory of this documentary we'd watch on tv before. there are these people called the scavengers, though they're professionals, who mark out these shipping routes, and using computers and what-not, figure out where these containers fall and have their means of retrieving them. and they're making big money. so much for my dreams.
and as we watched the remains of the sun disappearing behind the skyline, he told me about this new airplane which would enable people to travel from say, singapore to new york in just half an hour. how? by flying right out into space, hovering around somewhere, and wait, making use of the earth's rotation, since the earth does spin rather fast. kinda revolutionary, really. would it actually work?
yes, i was at east coast, cycling just now. for some strange reason, we kept seeing strange-looking dogs behaving rather strangely. dogs are really lovable creatures. lovable because they can be soooo silly. oh they drive me mad.
mars just called. i realise now that i have alot of work to do. tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow. i have better things to do now. like this blog, taking a shower, catching up on some reading. i'm so excited about the photos. they're so funny. can't wait to show everyone. kiat chun will object though. but who cares. everyone else will love it. and i can get some blackmailing done. ;)
everything's happening on wednesday. my mom wants the family to do something together. min's going back to australia and wants to meet up with noshir, gloria , me, etc. addie called just now. she's inviting me over for her lil sister's birthday party. she tumpang only. her sister's party and she wants to invite all her friends. haha.
i kinda need to go to the toilet. and i also do need to get some bathing done. it's important to brush your teeth! =D
hello pravin, enjoyed my blog? are you honoured? know you're reading it now. ;)
anyway, as we were cycling just now, my brothers and i, we found ourselves at the jetty. and that's where, my brother, pravin, told me all about the ships. not everything, but it was interesting. my dad's shouting like a lunatic now. soccer. anyway, he was telling me about the reason why ships have these red lines on them. the red lines should be completely submerged in the water or they'll have to pay. it's an indication of whether they've got sufficient fuel or not. then singapore gets to make money. and my brother was explaining to me about the ships propellers and how they work, and what would happen if they didn't work that way. he was also telling me how the ships are facing one direction even as i blog now but will be facing a completely new direction in the morning even though they are anchored. then we got down to talking about container vessels and how it's common for containers to fall into the sea and how at least $18 million worth of goods get lost, a year or a day, i'm not sure. i was thinking of making a business out of it, when he recalled my memory of this documentary we'd watch on tv before. there are these people called the scavengers, though they're professionals, who mark out these shipping routes, and using computers and what-not, figure out where these containers fall and have their means of retrieving them. and they're making big money. so much for my dreams.
and as we watched the remains of the sun disappearing behind the skyline, he told me about this new airplane which would enable people to travel from say, singapore to new york in just half an hour. how? by flying right out into space, hovering around somewhere, and wait, making use of the earth's rotation, since the earth does spin rather fast. kinda revolutionary, really. would it actually work?
yes, i was at east coast, cycling just now. for some strange reason, we kept seeing strange-looking dogs behaving rather strangely. dogs are really lovable creatures. lovable because they can be soooo silly. oh they drive me mad.
mars just called. i realise now that i have alot of work to do. tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow. i have better things to do now. like this blog, taking a shower, catching up on some reading. i'm so excited about the photos. they're so funny. can't wait to show everyone. kiat chun will object though. but who cares. everyone else will love it. and i can get some blackmailing done. ;)
everything's happening on wednesday. my mom wants the family to do something together. min's going back to australia and wants to meet up with noshir, gloria , me, etc. addie called just now. she's inviting me over for her lil sister's birthday party. she tumpang only. her sister's party and she wants to invite all her friends. haha.
i kinda need to go to the toilet. and i also do need to get some bathing done. it's important to brush your teeth! =D
hello pravin, enjoyed my blog? are you honoured? know you're reading it now. ;)
dammit.dammit. dammit.
i just typed out a whole bloody long blog. then i went to some webpage and came back and it's all gone. oh shireen, you're so smart. hail thee hail thee!!! bah. how? should i type it all out again? *slaps forehead*
forget it. it was a really interesting blog i typed out though. aaargh. all about ships and airplanes and dogs and dancing outside a pub in bfd while eating ice-cream, uncompleted homework (because of my damn busy shedule of checking out beaches, reviewing movies and trashy novels sampling differnt types of cuisines and bumming professionally) and my brother's website. and i talked alot about my brother just now. yes, i talked alot about you, pravin. dammit dammit dammit.
this is exactly how it feels after you've typed out this long project report on microsoft word and forgot to save it and your computer jams and wooopsy. ok maybe it's not as bad. but eergh. it was a really educational blog. ok i'll blog it out after i've cooled down.
ok check out my brother's site anway. it's a really impressive one. he always changes the layout and it just keeps getting better and better. check out the songs too. actually, check out the moulin rouge one. he's really into it. and it's growing on me too. and you better check out the site. it's the reason why this blog accident happened just now.
http://new-world.vze.com/
i just typed out a whole bloody long blog. then i went to some webpage and came back and it's all gone. oh shireen, you're so smart. hail thee hail thee!!! bah. how? should i type it all out again? *slaps forehead*
forget it. it was a really interesting blog i typed out though. aaargh. all about ships and airplanes and dogs and dancing outside a pub in bfd while eating ice-cream, uncompleted homework (because of my damn busy shedule of checking out beaches, reviewing movies and trashy novels sampling differnt types of cuisines and bumming professionally) and my brother's website. and i talked alot about my brother just now. yes, i talked alot about you, pravin. dammit dammit dammit.
this is exactly how it feels after you've typed out this long project report on microsoft word and forgot to save it and your computer jams and wooopsy. ok maybe it's not as bad. but eergh. it was a really educational blog. ok i'll blog it out after i've cooled down.
ok check out my brother's site anway. it's a really impressive one. he always changes the layout and it just keeps getting better and better. check out the songs too. actually, check out the moulin rouge one. he's really into it. and it's growing on me too. and you better check out the site. it's the reason why this blog accident happened just now.
http://new-world.vze.com/
Sunday, February 09, 2003
got back from dinner sometime ago. decided to go for japanese cuisine. it was vietnamese yesterday, thanks to one of our vietnamese friends. the vietnamese food was good. but he told me that i could get the $6.50 meal i was eating for only 60cents in vietnam. what the...
anyway i ate exactly what i wanted just now. cold soba noodles with UNAGI. smacks lips. then we were walking around serangoon gardens and came across this new roasted chestnuts shop. so we bought some. the lady let me sample some of their new ice-cream flavours. revolutionary really...one was roasted chestnut with sweet potato flovour, surprisingly quite good. anyway i kinda took advantage....kept trying more and more....just to get the taste of ice-cream in my mouth for free. oh well. some of us are free-loaders. it was a good dinner. my brother and my dad and i were rekindling our childhood days and the childish things we used to do. we also spoke about hypnotherapy and past lives. wonder if it's all true. my dad believes it. i wanna try hypnotherapy...sounds pretty cool. unlocking the subconscious. it'd be cool to remember the things i forgot, to go back into the playgrounds of my childhood days once again.
anyway, just been looking through some photos i went to develop today. some funny shit going on, man. can't help beaming at those photos. the silly things we do. the good times we smile through.
was reading some poetry online just now. poems by others just like us. in..ter..est...ing....some were good though. then was looking for blogskins cos i never actually got down to choosing one properly. just took the first one that came. but i still think it's better than the others. =P
why do people blog? ethan told me it's actually b-log. joel said it figured. Borliao-log. i said. BLABLAlog. so i guess it's an outlet for our thoughts and emotions. a kind of diary. duh. but it's for all to see. why? cos we want people to know us, to know who we are? is it because we want to advertise ourselves? what?
i guess....i do it cos...like journalling, it helps me to see me better. kinda like a mirror. a photograph maybe. in an album. where you are there. and everyone who stumbles across sees you. so why do i let people read it? i guess, it's because..i have nothing to hide. and if i do, i'm not putting it down here. =P and if i put it all down here, i will have no secrets to tell you. then what will you ask me about?
i seem to have alot to say aye? the number of blogs today. it's addictive, i tell you!
i blog smiply because i like spilling, and when my fingers do the walking, there ain't no stopping.
anyway i ate exactly what i wanted just now. cold soba noodles with UNAGI. smacks lips. then we were walking around serangoon gardens and came across this new roasted chestnuts shop. so we bought some. the lady let me sample some of their new ice-cream flavours. revolutionary really...one was roasted chestnut with sweet potato flovour, surprisingly quite good. anyway i kinda took advantage....kept trying more and more....just to get the taste of ice-cream in my mouth for free. oh well. some of us are free-loaders. it was a good dinner. my brother and my dad and i were rekindling our childhood days and the childish things we used to do. we also spoke about hypnotherapy and past lives. wonder if it's all true. my dad believes it. i wanna try hypnotherapy...sounds pretty cool. unlocking the subconscious. it'd be cool to remember the things i forgot, to go back into the playgrounds of my childhood days once again.
anyway, just been looking through some photos i went to develop today. some funny shit going on, man. can't help beaming at those photos. the silly things we do. the good times we smile through.
was reading some poetry online just now. poems by others just like us. in..ter..est...ing....some were good though. then was looking for blogskins cos i never actually got down to choosing one properly. just took the first one that came. but i still think it's better than the others. =P
why do people blog? ethan told me it's actually b-log. joel said it figured. Borliao-log. i said. BLABLAlog. so i guess it's an outlet for our thoughts and emotions. a kind of diary. duh. but it's for all to see. why? cos we want people to know us, to know who we are? is it because we want to advertise ourselves? what?
i guess....i do it cos...like journalling, it helps me to see me better. kinda like a mirror. a photograph maybe. in an album. where you are there. and everyone who stumbles across sees you. so why do i let people read it? i guess, it's because..i have nothing to hide. and if i do, i'm not putting it down here. =P and if i put it all down here, i will have no secrets to tell you. then what will you ask me about?
i seem to have alot to say aye? the number of blogs today. it's addictive, i tell you!
i blog smiply because i like spilling, and when my fingers do the walking, there ain't no stopping.
Saturday, February 08, 2003
mad world by gary jules. my cousin introduced it to me. i felt really sad when i heard it for the first time. he had busted his knee again. and his soccer dreams semed to be crumbling away at that moment. and so, the chorus really got to me man. was just listening to it again just now. quite a song, simple and bittersweet-sounding. i like.
was supposed to be going to some club party today. yehui's, daxu's and lennard's. bought that ticket from daxu but sold it back on the same day. i decided i didn't feel like going. i love dancing believe me. i love good company, believe me. but i don't wanna spend my saturday night cooped up in a place stinking of cigarette smoke and booze. i can't stand looking at those people who're all tipsy from their drinks and are looking like total idiots. i can't stand the fact that people drink, knowing what they'll be like later, and yet doing it as an excuse for all the stupid, irresposible things they'll be doing later. and they do this to get high.
why do people have to get high this way? i tried it before. it just leaves me feeling emptier than ever. it leaves me with an empty feeling really. and seeing my friends all acting stupid and repulsive, just doesn't seem like an appealing way to spend my saturday nights and splurge on.
yehui wasn't too happy i backed out, i guess. they need to cover up the expenses to be able to break. these things cost money. maybe they would, but i don't think i'll be celebrating my birthday in a night club. for these reasons and more.
to each his own, i always say. shakespeare too.
funny thing is, now instead, i'm sitting here at home, blogging. lol. but that's ok. papa's going to take us kids out for dinner. i don't know if that is a good thing. they annoy me sometimes, the nagging, the sulking. brothers and father combined.
so i said i'm not an avid blog-reader. but the past hour, i've been doing that. reading blogs of people i don't even know. it's addictive and interesting, a window into the lives of others. some are really beautiful. people interest me all the time.
gotta run. my dad's here. dinner time!
was supposed to be going to some club party today. yehui's, daxu's and lennard's. bought that ticket from daxu but sold it back on the same day. i decided i didn't feel like going. i love dancing believe me. i love good company, believe me. but i don't wanna spend my saturday night cooped up in a place stinking of cigarette smoke and booze. i can't stand looking at those people who're all tipsy from their drinks and are looking like total idiots. i can't stand the fact that people drink, knowing what they'll be like later, and yet doing it as an excuse for all the stupid, irresposible things they'll be doing later. and they do this to get high.
why do people have to get high this way? i tried it before. it just leaves me feeling emptier than ever. it leaves me with an empty feeling really. and seeing my friends all acting stupid and repulsive, just doesn't seem like an appealing way to spend my saturday nights and splurge on.
yehui wasn't too happy i backed out, i guess. they need to cover up the expenses to be able to break. these things cost money. maybe they would, but i don't think i'll be celebrating my birthday in a night club. for these reasons and more.
to each his own, i always say. shakespeare too.
funny thing is, now instead, i'm sitting here at home, blogging. lol. but that's ok. papa's going to take us kids out for dinner. i don't know if that is a good thing. they annoy me sometimes, the nagging, the sulking. brothers and father combined.
so i said i'm not an avid blog-reader. but the past hour, i've been doing that. reading blogs of people i don't even know. it's addictive and interesting, a window into the lives of others. some are really beautiful. people interest me all the time.
gotta run. my dad's here. dinner time!
all around me are familiar faces
worn out places
worn out faces
bright and early for the daily races
going nowhere
going nowhere
their tears are filling up their glasses
no expression
no expression
hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
no tomorrow
no tomorrow
and I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
the dreams in which I'm dying
are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
when people run in circles it's a very very
mad world
mad world
children waiting for the day they feel good
happy birthday
happy birthday
and I feel the way that every child should
sit and listen
sit and listen
went to school and I was very nervous
no one knew me
no one knew me
hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
look right through me
look right through me
and I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
the dreams in which I'm dying
are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
when people run in circles it's a very very
mad world
mad world
enlargen your world
mad world
mad world by gary jules
worn out places
worn out faces
bright and early for the daily races
going nowhere
going nowhere
their tears are filling up their glasses
no expression
no expression
hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
no tomorrow
no tomorrow
and I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
the dreams in which I'm dying
are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
when people run in circles it's a very very
mad world
mad world
children waiting for the day they feel good
happy birthday
happy birthday
and I feel the way that every child should
sit and listen
sit and listen
went to school and I was very nervous
no one knew me
no one knew me
hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
look right through me
look right through me
and I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
the dreams in which I'm dying
are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
when people run in circles it's a very very
mad world
mad world
enlargen your world
mad world
mad world by gary jules
all showered and feeling great. the rain's pitter-pattering above me, wouldn't be so beautiful if it wasn't for the roof over my head. and for that, thankful i should be. and for alot of other things as well.
"aqueous transmission" by incubus is finding its way through the speakers into me ears. great song, that is. a rare find for a band like incubus. it's great to be alive today! ever got this kind of feeling? when you've not even done anything spectacular the whole day and yet, a joyous tune keeps playing in your heart all the while? when you smile at the simplest of things? it's like everything has been coated with a certain sweetness. and then you start getting all poetic and long-winded like i'm doing now. cos no matter how many words you can find, it's still not enough to describe this unexplainable joy?
"in my place" by coldplay has taken over and is conquering my being now. it's been playing in my mind the whole day, the soundtrack of my life today. don't you have one too? a soundtrack for the movie of your life? like how songs just seem to find their way into your mind at the appropriate times, subconsciously even. sometimes it feels as though God is talking to me, through one of the things i love most, music. if you believe in God.
yet i know that life will not be like today everyday, or forever. nothing is permanent.this thought consoles and threatens me all at once. the bad days will not last, and the good days will come. and then the good days will fade away, giving way to more bad days. but hey, the good days always come again. and i live through those bad days and aim to survive because i'm always looking forward to those good days which i'm sure will always come. and the bad days just make me love and appreciate each and every second of each good day more. hey,we gotta have a little bit of faith sometimes, don't we?
i wish everyone could share in this joy i indulge in now. but there is a time for everything i guess...
and i gotta run!
"aqueous transmission" by incubus is finding its way through the speakers into me ears. great song, that is. a rare find for a band like incubus. it's great to be alive today! ever got this kind of feeling? when you've not even done anything spectacular the whole day and yet, a joyous tune keeps playing in your heart all the while? when you smile at the simplest of things? it's like everything has been coated with a certain sweetness. and then you start getting all poetic and long-winded like i'm doing now. cos no matter how many words you can find, it's still not enough to describe this unexplainable joy?
"in my place" by coldplay has taken over and is conquering my being now. it's been playing in my mind the whole day, the soundtrack of my life today. don't you have one too? a soundtrack for the movie of your life? like how songs just seem to find their way into your mind at the appropriate times, subconsciously even. sometimes it feels as though God is talking to me, through one of the things i love most, music. if you believe in God.
yet i know that life will not be like today everyday, or forever. nothing is permanent.this thought consoles and threatens me all at once. the bad days will not last, and the good days will come. and then the good days will fade away, giving way to more bad days. but hey, the good days always come again. and i live through those bad days and aim to survive because i'm always looking forward to those good days which i'm sure will always come. and the bad days just make me love and appreciate each and every second of each good day more. hey,we gotta have a little bit of faith sometimes, don't we?
i wish everyone could share in this joy i indulge in now. but there is a time for everything i guess...
and i gotta run!
Friday, February 07, 2003
my eyes are really tired. my leg's itchy. my toe nails are dropping off. =p but so what? haha.
watched final destination just now with two movie buddies, making use of our free tickets. my my. what an..."interesting" show. intestines spilling out, heads being chopped off by lift doors, need i say more? though there is more. gory stuff there. now i remember why i wasn't too keen on the first one. yuck. luckily i didn't have to pay for a movie illustrating all the possible dramatic incredible ways of dying and how neglecting safety measures can lead to your whole house catching fire. what the hell.
oh yes, met up with 2 pals just now. i got treated to amazing pasta at teaspa, paragon. interesting people. interesting food. what can i say...the best things in life are free...innit?
3 singers are on the way to my house now. i'm gonna help them do some music editting for their concert tomorrow. they helped me discover my hidden talent. i think if i don't become a rock star, i'll settle for producer. man, i'm good! i miss jamming with my old pals. what happened to it all? someday again hopefully. another woodbridge gig? ;)
i wanna type out something long today about some thoughts i have bubbling in my mind....tomorrow maybe!
watched final destination just now with two movie buddies, making use of our free tickets. my my. what an..."interesting" show. intestines spilling out, heads being chopped off by lift doors, need i say more? though there is more. gory stuff there. now i remember why i wasn't too keen on the first one. yuck. luckily i didn't have to pay for a movie illustrating all the possible dramatic incredible ways of dying and how neglecting safety measures can lead to your whole house catching fire. what the hell.
oh yes, met up with 2 pals just now. i got treated to amazing pasta at teaspa, paragon. interesting people. interesting food. what can i say...the best things in life are free...innit?
3 singers are on the way to my house now. i'm gonna help them do some music editting for their concert tomorrow. they helped me discover my hidden talent. i think if i don't become a rock star, i'll settle for producer. man, i'm good! i miss jamming with my old pals. what happened to it all? someday again hopefully. another woodbridge gig? ;)
i wanna type out something long today about some thoughts i have bubbling in my mind....tomorrow maybe!
Thursday, February 06, 2003
ok so this is my first blog ever. and i guess most people say that when they blog for the first time. not that i'm an avid blog-reader. i just assumed.
i took my doggie (RENO RALLY ROYAL, his name) for a walk just now. and he wouldn't let me go near the wayang. so i took him home and cycled back and watched, amused at the funny faces(the don'ts of make-up), the costumes(one which glowed in UV light,new for me in wayang culture), the music(a bit towards noise?) and the dialogue and songs(i didn't understand a word). what tickled me most was this actor guy who came on. he looked like some retired old ah pek and spoke like one in whatever dialect it was. and he did this lil ditty...sang a song in his slightly straining voice..and check this out...kept shaking his hips and smiling at the crowd. wow i've never seen that in wayang before. it was always just melodrama for me. but what would i know? ;)
maybe he was just a jester. we all need a bit of laughter to stay alive, don't we?
i'd sleep early, believe me. who wants these dark rings and eye bags? but i love the nights. it's like the world only belongs to me. all are asleep and i'm awake, watching and moving about. it's like everything lives for me, the lights on the street, the occasional cars zooming by, the silence, the stars...it's beautiful.
i love sleep, believe me. but the night's so precious. it'll be gone soon. i know, there's always tomorrow night. or is there?
i try not to get too long-winded, believe me. but i get carried away. so let me put an end to this nonsense.
i took my doggie (RENO RALLY ROYAL, his name) for a walk just now. and he wouldn't let me go near the wayang. so i took him home and cycled back and watched, amused at the funny faces(the don'ts of make-up), the costumes(one which glowed in UV light,new for me in wayang culture), the music(a bit towards noise?) and the dialogue and songs(i didn't understand a word). what tickled me most was this actor guy who came on. he looked like some retired old ah pek and spoke like one in whatever dialect it was. and he did this lil ditty...sang a song in his slightly straining voice..and check this out...kept shaking his hips and smiling at the crowd. wow i've never seen that in wayang before. it was always just melodrama for me. but what would i know? ;)
maybe he was just a jester. we all need a bit of laughter to stay alive, don't we?
i'd sleep early, believe me. who wants these dark rings and eye bags? but i love the nights. it's like the world only belongs to me. all are asleep and i'm awake, watching and moving about. it's like everything lives for me, the lights on the street, the occasional cars zooming by, the silence, the stars...it's beautiful.
i love sleep, believe me. but the night's so precious. it'll be gone soon. i know, there's always tomorrow night. or is there?
i try not to get too long-winded, believe me. but i get carried away. so let me put an end to this nonsense.