is obsession a bad thing? is there such a thing as being obsessed about trying to be happy? is there such a thing as being obsessed about finding true joy? and is it bad to be obsessed about such things? will being obsessed about trying to be ever-so-happy make me ever-so-sad instead? obsessions. too much of a good thing is a bad thing, they say. and too much of something can destroy you, i learnt. or have i really learnt? i'm closing my mind by being so obsessed about being happy for i close it in on one thing that could make or break my happiness, contracting a sudden amnesia, forgetting the simple, most simple things in life that could actually make me beam inside.

which is why i walk around troubled today. my insecurities, my fears, my obsessions...all bringing me down and pulling me apart, this way and that. a smile plastered to my face the way red paint is smeared around the mouth of a sad clown. no, a sad clown looks sadder than most anyone when he doesn't smile.

i don't want to be a depressed freak. i don't want to be the one who says "life sucks". i don't want to feel sorry for myself. i don't want to blame anyone or anything. and i shan't. but, i must learn to get rid of this/these obsession/s first, fly them all away on a paper aeroplane into a rubbish bin, where it belongs.

oh bother.