STOMP WAS EXCELLENT!!!

i was immensely inspired from start to end. and waaaaay after too. walking through the underpass from esplanade to city hall station, i couldn't help noticing sound of the footsteps around me, trying to add in my own beats and rhythms with whatever i had. my heels, my bag, my bracelet thingy, the brochure i was holding, my lap, my mouth haha. even when i was in the toilet, don't mean to be crude, but the sound of pee trickling into the bowl sounded musical too.

really impressive, this group of people. they could use anything! makes me look at garbage and dustbins and sweeping floors and washing dishes in a really different light. just imagining myself working in a restaurant washing dishes and starting a rhythm with the plates and forks and sink and the water from the tap and my fellow counterparts following suit, creating a mini stomp in the kitchen. of course, i've never worked in a restaurant or a kitchen and i don't know whether i ever will. but it sure sounds fun to me!

i felt so good today after marketing quiz. even though i know i lost marks here and there already. research methods class before that was insane! my mom warned me before i reached school that the silver ball on her slipper which i was wearing sometimes came loose and i'd have to tighten it.

during research methods break, no actually on the way back, i heard something metallic hit the floor and i felt my slipper strap across my left foot become very loose. to my horror i looked down and found that the metallic ball thingey had indeed fallen off. so while everyone went back to class, i went to look for it and found it. but it was irreparable! so after break, it was really mad. was multi-tasking like mad i tell you. was trying to message my mom that my slipper broke, trying to fix my slipper, trying to drink my mochalatte before it got cold, trying to listen to what the prof was talking about, trying to take notes, trying to finish my revision for marketing quiz which was the class after with only a fifteen minute break in between, trying to decide whether i should eat the sandwich i bought or not, replying people on msn(yea this is my fault haha). then after class, my mom came down to pass me a new pair of slippers! (thanks mama! really helped me!! appreciate it!! ) yea i know, spoilt little girl. and rushed down to marketing class. and got over the test! PHEW. what a hectic afternoon.

after all that, i was so relieved and happy! what better way to spend the evening that followed by typing a mail to a dear friend, having dinner with some dear friends, watching STOMP with another dear friend, returning to my dear ones at home and watching SCRUBS on starworld....

it's not always easy. but the hard times will pass. and the good times will roll. and then roll on by. and then roll over again. that's life, aye? i love it!

damn! i typed one long post and and when i clicked "publish post", blogger made me sign in again and the whole post disappeared!

(throws tantrum and stomps around like a crazy little brat)

i was really inspired just now! not anymore.

guess i better get back to my marketing notes then.

(mumbles something undecipherable)

hmmph!

tinging my words with "hahas" and "hehs" to hide what i'm really trying to say. of course, i never got close to saying anything i really wanted to and perhaps, never will. maybe it won't be so bad when the moment passes. the next moment is empty and meaningless, a clean slate for me to begin anew.

chin up, young 'un...

was eating a slice of hawaian stuffed crust pizza for dinner while watching ripley's believe it or not. totally ruined my appetite for the normally yummy cheesy stuffed crust. today's show featured this maggotty cheese which was banned in most places but still eaten as a delicacy in a certain village in italy. it's supposed to leave a pungent after-taste but people eat it because they believe in its powerful aphrodisiacal quality. but like, there i was eating cheese while watching people eating maggot-ridden cheese..fwjnefkfml..gross...

i hear thunder. hope it rains tonight so i can sleep really snugly. life's funny. here i am hoping it'll rain. but i'm sure there are people out there who pray every night that it doesn't because they have no roof over their heads or blankets to keep them warm. everyone wants different things. if god gave everyone what they wanted, my gosh...i say, god, just give us what you want...haha, who am i to tell god what to do?

a strange feeling has been coming over me these days. i can feel happy and sad and excited and scared all at once. change is inevitable and the inevitable is almost here if it is not here already. on friday, the realisation of the inevitable hit me like a brick and the fierce pounding of the dragon dance percussions only made my heart beat faster and more furiously. i was desparate to get out of there and run away forever but i didn't know where to go. people everywhere. and the thoughts just started swimming around in my mind like a whirlpool and emotions welled up within with no outlet except through my eyes. felt like a scene from a movie. a tiny little vessel of sadness lost and struggling to float amidst a sea of happy faces and noises of celebration. alas, i made my escape but only from school. there were still many more people to meet. but at least, i didn't have to keep looking at the inevitable in its face...

and the rest of the day, i felt sad everytime i thought about it. perhaps, a bit angry too. then i would forget about it and let it go and be totally at peace with it. and then something would trigger it off and i'd feel blue again. and then not so blue. and yet, somehow, through all this madness, the maddest part was, that i felt a constant excitement deep within. i was a torrential mess i tell you. but somehow, the excitement kept me sane. was it hope? i feel it was hope rooted in knowing through believing. and perhaps, it was also gratefulness and awe. i must sound mad. haha..

strange things have been happening within me. i won't say that it's good or bad. i'll just say that it's new and unlike anything i've been before...

"something tells me i'm into something good..."

(seems like i've started a habit of ending with lines from songs..)

i almost went up the motorcycle ramp yesterday because aunty helen said "go up the slope, number 12!" and there were so many slopes and i turned towards the first one i saw, wondering why it was suddenly so small and narrow and why aunty helen was making weird noises and raising her voice. finally, it hit me that i was about to go up the wrong slope and swerved away just in time, leaving aunty helen appalled, her head shaking at me. when i told mel tan about it, she said "been there, done that." haha. i should be aunty helen's princess, not mel tan! the girl who turns on the wipers when she wants to signal left...haha =)

driving lessons with aunty helen are fun. and funny. and unnerving sometimes, cos of all those weird noises she makes in anticipation for my stalling her car. sometimes, she turns on the radio and we sing along to the songs while i'm driving. and she ends up changing all the lyrics, turning them into "driving songs". i told her that she should release an album entitled "aunty helen's inspirational driving songs".

i can't wait for my driving test! i'm nervous only because i have waited so long for it! please let me pass! everyone, please pray for me!!! thank you! even if you do not know me, you can still pray for me! hehe. you never know. one day, you could be stranded on some deserted road at some weird twilight hour and i might be your knight in shining metal screeching to a halt beside you. you just never know....

sitting in the SMU library now. supposed to finish up my TWC (technology and world change) review paper. about dominant designs and survival, in the disk drive industry. hope i finish it soon so i can enjoy my weekend. blogging isn't gonna help me finish so soon. haha.

sitting at my new favourite place now in the library. it's a secret. and jeremy is laughing to himself like a madman. he's clearing not doing his review paper either. zhirong has been watching "memoirs of a geisha" trailers. i doubt she's doing any work either. are you, zhi? haha.

watching the crane at the construction site infront. mesmerised by it for some reason. though it keeps doing the same things over and over again.

"i like songs about drifters - books about the same,
they both seem to make me feel a little less insane.."
-the world at large by modest mouse

sunday morning. just got home from the terry fox run at sentosa. i don't know how but i managed to drag myself out of bed when it was the perfect day to sleep in with the rain pouring outside and me, comfortably warm and snug uder my blankie. but when i started running, i guess that was all i could think of. wasn't really thinking or wondering what i was doing there. i just knew i was there and the only thing i came to do was run. didn't really want to go for it at first but i said i would so i did. sometimes, there are things which i know i don't want to do. but something (doesn't even have to be something concrete or tangible) will make me say yes anyway. sometimes for no apparent reason at all. like i was meant to be there....(shrugs)

i guess something hit me while running the marathon today. (which is hardly a marathon cos it was only 4km haha) it's not just about stamina and reaching the end. i found i was getting impatient alot. there were SOOOOOOOO many people there. and it really affected my momentum. all of a sudden, someone would stop infront of me. or i'd be running and be stopped by a line of people walking together stretched across the whole path and i'd have to run on the side of the path which was all muddy and soggy. others would try to squeeze past you when there was clearly no space. all sorts of things. but that's life, ain't it?

and ain't that a funny thing...that running with people makes it easier and harder at the same time.

From first to last
The peak is never passed
Something always fires the light that gets in your eyes
One moment's high, and glory rolls on by
Like a streak of lightning
That flashes and fades in the summer sky
-Marathon by Rush

many people stride past me everyday. some briskwalk, some stroll, some run, some jog, and for some of them, i stride past instead....

some don't bother to even look. some glance and just as soon, forget. some glance, and then turn and glance a second time. some look and perhaps, remember. but whatever it is, it is only a momentary gaze. and then i am just another in the sea of faces. a face that might soon be forgotten.

all but one.

he doesn't need to take a second glance. not even a first. he gazes at me infinitely and in that one gaze, knows all of me. and loves me.