rock and water

it really blows, sitting here and waiting for you. sometimes, i wish i had no one to wait for. my love comes in glorious waves, ready to drench and overwhelm. it slams straight into the hardest wall you've ever seen and scatters into a million little droplets. broken, and the droplets are all mixed up. slowly, i ebb away and retreat into the vast expanse of insignificant little molecules. and as time goes by, i start to feel brave again. i think of what is waiting for me at shore. i gather strength, courage. the waves begin to crescendo, and with confidence, i head to shore to seek you and drench you with my love. and you're not there. just the hardest wall i'll ever meet. i become a million little droplets again and dissolve into myself. again.

perhaps you were never really there to begin with. my head hurts.

lessons from running 

the truth is, sometimes, it is best not to think of the finish line, especially when you're running a 21.1km race and you're at the 14.23948km point and everything in you and of you is screaming, "what the hell am i doing here? i don't think i really need this. i could be somewhere else, having a snooze, watching tv, having a nice sunday brunch,  yadda yadda yadda..."

because in all honesty, at that point, sometimes the weariness, inertia and sense of defeat and discouragement you feel outweighs just about every promise of glory, joy, admiration and all that jazz.

rather, at that point, i have found that the best thing to do is to just, keep going, keep running, keep breathing. don't think about the finish line (it will feel unreachable then). don't think about the people around you running faster or slower than you. don't think about how unglamorous you look right then running lopsidedly, hair all over your sympathy-inducing face, your t-shirt drenched from inefficiently hydrating yourself at one of the water points earlier. don't think about who was not there for you. don't think about what you should do with your whole life after this. don't think. about anything else but that moment. just keep running. you already sorted out why you were doing this over and over again before, it's not the time to do that now.  now is the time to just remember why, even if it sounds like nonsense, and run.

and before you know it, you'll be 2km away, and then 1, then 0.00032, and then 0.

i'm reaching the middle of my whole psychology honours year here in australia. i know there have been, and there are going to be way more challenging...things besides this that i will go through in my insignificant existence here. but right now, i'm a little tired, a little overwhelmed, and although i'm kind of going it alone, i'm somehow doing fine.

because at times like these, running taught me that all you can do is to just keep running despite of it all, at moments of disillusionment, weariness, jadedness and doubt, during the course of your mission and the fulfilment of your dreams.