i'm starting to feel a bit better these days, about life, about myself. there are times when i feel so tempted to return to the old life..like when i still hear the same old conversations and do the same old things. at those times, it feels like nothing has changed and i see my thoughts heading towards the self-destructive zones that usually accompanied these moments. but these days, i go, "wait a minute. that's not right.." then i engage the reverse gear before i start getting sucked into that blackhole again. see, i realised that it doesn't matter if the things around me don't change. it's me.

anyway, it's quite a nice saturday morning. what say you? i'm the only human being (maybe not the only soul) on the 3rd floor of this library, plugged into Moby (his new Hotel album is pretty good). it's a wonderful feeling having this whole floor to myself. remember what i said about library cubicles and how they were my favourite places? now i feel like i'm in a gigantic library cubicle! haha.

just now, Moby really got a hold on me and thinking noone was around, i started dancing on my seat because hey, why not? how many people get to dance in a library, right? but when i looked up, i saw the photocopy aunty walk past and she was laughing. so i just smiled back at her and we exchanged some words.

seems i have been finding myself in pretty humorous situations throughout yesterday till today. but those are long stories...but looking back, i guess they make me smile. =)

hello to the guy who just walked in and is sitting diagonally opposite me now! you probably don't know i'm talking to you! anyway, welcome! we have the whole 3rd floor to ourselves! you can dance if you want to...i don't mind. maybe i'll laugh, and maybe i'll join you too!

i think being able to remember is a wonderful thing. when you break up with someone or when someone dies or whatever, i think it's a shame to erase from your mind all the moments before that. even if the ending was not "happily-ever-after", it doesn't matter. we don't live for endings, do we? we live for each and every moment. and it is these moments that define us, define life. each moment is a whole new experience on its own, packaged with emotions and thoughts that are unique to it. they are opportunities to learn and to love and to learn to love.

i wish i could sit here longer and continue to allow my thoughts to flow this way to the atmospheric sounds of moby but alas, i have to tear myself away before the z monster has me for lunch!

ok, mr guy-sitting-diagonally-opposite-shireen(don't worry i don't have a crush on him)...you are free to do whatever you want! the whole floor belongs to you now! have a nice day! =)