i was at the stations of the cross yesterday. a few things struck me...

usually, a feeling of weariness and impatience creep over me even before the stations begin. i just think about all the kneeling and the standing that is to come and how it is not just one but FOURTEEN stations i have to go through. i think about the seeming dreariness of it all and what i'll be doing after that as a reward for going through it. something like the feeling i used to have before netball trainings, just that the only difference was, for stations, i still WANTED to go back. i wanted to go back not because anyone forced me to or i felt obligated to. i want to go back...only because i am in love.

and there i am, sheltered from the rain in an air-conditioned church. the bright lights above illuminate our little stations books so that we read out his passion. cushioned pews make kneeling slightly more merciful. and for 30 minutes, just 30 minutes, i relive his passion, trying to see what he saw, what he heard, how he felt...what they saw, what they heard, how they felt. except that, i was not the one who felt the stinging blows of the cruel whip, who wore that crown of thorns,who carried that cross, who fell three times, who sipped the vinegar, who spilled crimson as the nails tore into flesh and bone. no, i was not the one who hung there, stripped and emptied. what is my tiredness? what is my feeling of dread?

and i think to myself. what if i were there then? would i have shook my head sadly as i looked at that man with those crazed eyes, burning like fire? would i have been one of those who said, "ah, poor, crazy man. he was a nice guy. if only someone had talked him into his senses. all these son of god stories. ah, what a crazy world"? and then, would i have just walked on home, be sad for a while about the state of things in the world outside, and then just gone on with life, tending to my sheep or drawing water from a well? the way i do when i watch CNN and get greeted by statistics about fatalities of a bomb explosion in iraq?

or would i have followed this man, with those eyes burning like fire, even unto the folly of the cross?

it was one helluva gamble he took. who would have taken him seriously? would i have? are you kidding? what a crazy thing he said! what a crazy thing he did! things! but...i have fallen in love nevertheless. he loved me first, even before i knew him.

and this love, it defies all reason. reason is only as far as i can see. it limits life, and my view of it. love is infinite and has no boundaries.

i look upon the love of my parents for me and how they knew and loved me even before i saw their faces in my human form. how they were with me, whether i was bathing in the glory of my successes or rolling in the mud of my defeats. and there, i see how he has loved me.

a boy looks at a girl and feels her eyes connect to everything in him and his heartbeat falls into a beautiful and chaotic rhythm. and there, i feel his infinite power and love in his one infinite gaze.

a man dies on a cross for someone who doesn't even care. oh, the folly of that cross. and there, i see how love has conquered death and all logic.

birds do it, bees do it,
even educated fleas do it,
lets do it, lets fall in love!

because we can't help but fall in love. so stop trying to resist! hee. =)