infinity

surrounded by choruses of drunken flirtatious banter, we sat there, shielded by a deep unseen connection. she said many things, each word a source of fascination and rumination, a string of which stood out more than others.

"he wants your strength. he will try to take it. don't give him your power."

i sometimes wonder whether warnings are always meant to be unheeded so that we may recognise that they were in fact, warnings, legitimate ones, on hindsight. always on friggin' hindsight.

this was the one thing i did not dare tell you, the only bit i left out, the most important bit. that night, i teared on your chest while you wondered why i had stopped smiling. but you did not know it then. that for the first time, not only had i stopped smiling infront of you, but that i had also allowed myself to cry. my heart was full and breaking every time it was nearing the end. it was always going to be the last time, did you not see?

i now wonder whether it is too late. i'm not sure you deserve it. but this time, i say, i refuse to play the victim. this time, i say, i knowingly choose these things, and i will choose again. it just won't be you the next time, i always say, every time, every time, i drive away.

the truth is, i fear your world and i want to run as fast as i can, towards the other direction, into the arms of everything familiar and safe. but it was those very arms i had bolted from in the first place, sure never to return.

the truth is, the only running taking place is the one where we go round and round, in hopeless, never-ending circles.