results. we got them back yesterday. a sordid affair. so emotionally traumatising. before you can get over the trauma from one paper, another is thrown at you. they gave it ALL back at once.

"190!"

"here! what the..hey how much is this upon? oh my good..."

"190!"

"yes yes here! physics paper 3 shit have to go for the stupid saturday reme.."

"190!"

that was how it was like. (my index no is 190). hands shaking, eyes unblinking, heart thumping at 100 beats per second ready to jump out of my mouth...i was so totally overwhelmed i did not know which paper to start with first.

i really don't know what to make of these results. because i have never studied so hard in my life. i think. and i have to start thinking (should have started long ago) what the hell i'm supposed to do with my life. where....? what....? which...?

but i know that at the end of the day, this is all nothing. it will all fade away one day. that night, as i closed my eyes, the question was asked. "who do YOU say i am?" and at once, all i saw was darkness except a glimmer of light in the midst of it. only one thing will remain. YOU are everything. all others will cease to exist one day and fade into the blackness of nothingness. all except YOU, the everlasting.

so all you who feel despondent and discouraged cos of the results, dont be. it's nothing. nothing! why work so hard for it then? well, my reason is because we're already here. what's the point of trying then? if we'll reach the same end anyway? hey, what's the point of NOT trying?