i like alanis morissette. do you think she'd stand a chance in american idol? just wondering....

anyway, i feel like talking about depression today. no, i'm not depressed right now. just some thoughts.

case 1: i think many people, me included, indulge in depression. yes, indulge. it's an excuse we wear. we sink into it and refuse to get out of it. it's like our comfortable water bed and we just want to lie in it till...

we sink into the habit of not wanting to do anything at all. just staring into a wall or the ceiling. we drown in our thoughts and don't want to stop. we ignore or snap at everyone. we are so self-absorbed in the moment we don't care. it seems like an excuse for us not to care. "i'm depressed, go away." "i'm depressed. i don't want to go to school anymore." "i'm depressed, i need to swear and shout." "i'm depressed, bla bla bla."

case 2: many others, they wear depression as though it's the new black. the "in" thing. perhaps these think that being labeled as depressed might give them a profound aura, that others might see that they're too deep or too good for this stupid, sucky world. saying "life sucks" is cool. it shows non-conformity and rebellion. it's just as good as going goth, smearing on eyeliner and black lipstick.

case 3: well, then there are others who seriously are depressed maybe due to chemical imbalance or crazily intense circumstances that seem just to hard to deal with. they don't know that they're going through "depression," in the clinical sense. they carve themselves silly and still don't think they have a problem, unlike case 1 and 2 who show it freely to the world.

case 1 is a coping stance of those who'd rather run away than face up to reality. we're not really that hopelessly depressed. we're just scared, tired or maybe, just plain lazy.

case 2 is a coping stance for people who seek attention and recognition. these want to stand out and be admired. they don't want to be admired the way the popular people do. they feel threatened or angered by these people. they rebel. their actions are a protest against society, the people who make them feel lousy or put them down. they cope by saying "everyone sucks, this world sucks." till they actually believe it.

case 3 is not really a coping stance. it's a condition.

the above are just examples to prove just how complicated humans really are. can we ever fully understand ourselves? psychological theories are forever changing. we can analyse everything else in this world. but who can analyse us perfectly? can we really judge anyone if we don't even understand or know all the answers??

anyway, i can go on and on about this. but what the hell, it's 2.07am as i type this sentence.

crazy is just you and me amplified.