i suddenly realised that there's really no need to worry! one of those moments when the obvious just becomes....really obvious..haha

see, there i was taking a nice hot shower just now. except that it was full of interruptions cos i kept getting calls on my handphone. all of them were from private numbers. one was from my aunty asking me what i wanted for lunch. another was from my friend, cheryl, who wanted to know when my uncle would be going over to her house to collect the AMI tape which she so kindly recorded for him (long story). and every single time it rang, i kept hoping that it would be a call from SMU (Singapore Management University). i mean, everyone around me has been getting THE CALL, except me! but alas, until this moment as i type, no call has arrived yet.

however, while showering, my mind was really troubled. so, i decided to pray. in the shower. i just closed my eyes, made the sign of the cross and prayed, with hot water pelting off my back. and suddenly, it became clear to me. the obvious. that there was nothing to worry about. because i know i've done what i can. and now i just have to trust. cos i know that life will lead me to where i am to go. knowing that i can't see the big picture because i'm in it, i can safely say that i do not know what really is the best choice for me. but someone close to me knows and has my best interests at heart and is watching out for me, providing me with little stepping stones to guide me. there might be detours, there might be dead-ends. but they're all still part of the big picture. and i know that at the end of the day, if i just have a little faith, i'll be fine. worry is just a total waste of time and energy. which is why these days, i usually pray for the patience and grace and a calm heart to get through things instead.

many questions still race through my puny mind. so are our fates sealed? why is there even a big picture in the first place? why did anything ever have to exist? why couldn't there just be nothing? (but there has to be something for nothing to exist, no?)

these will probably be questions i'll always wonder about. but i believe that they'll all be answered one day. every single question that we've ever asked. but in His own time...cos He knows us best, better than we know ourselves.

as a sidedish, i really love my dog..RENO RALLY ROYAL. haha. he's this round, roly-poly thingy on stumps for legs. but he has the most disarming smile ever. and he winked (yes, winked) at me 2 days ago. (he does it every once in a while.) i just melted. let me tell you more about Reno Rally Royal. he's very lazy and sleeps the whole day. he's only active when food's near at hand or when you mention the word "walkie." he likes to play hard-to-get sometimes. for example, he won't look at you but you know he wants you to stroke him and is actually looking at you from out of the corner of his eye. and he doesn't like going up stairs. he has to mentally prepare himself and/or gain momentum by running around before tackling the stairs. when we go for walks, he loves sabo-ing me by picking fights with much bigger dogs! rottweilers included. and when i take him for walks, i usually end up being taken for walks. he's like this ball of fur gone out of control, wild and delirious with joy, when we go on our walks/runs. he's also very useful; i call him my personal vacuum cleaner. whenever i drop any crumbs or food on the floor, all i have to do is shout "Reno!!", and it's all cleared up after that. of course, you'll have to pardon the residual saliva. haha. there's so much to say about Reno. i was just thinking about him, that's all.

ok.