it's not a comforting thought. when we get through one obstacle, it doesn't end. in fact, there are plenty more to come, harder ones. at least, it doesn't end until you're ready for it all to. it's how we grow and each is a step closer to heaven.

but how it all tugs at my heart now. the skies were clear, for a while.

i was taking a nap for a while and i get the weirdest dreams only during afternoon naps. it's so weird i don't know where to start! what does it all mean?

it started with me being on a field trip with a group of people in a really cold place which was dark most of the time with snow everywhere. i know for sure sheryl was there because when we stepped out of the building to join everyone for dinner, it was so dark we didn't know where we were going and slipped into a giant snowball that was actually a giant cake. the lights came on and we found ourselves surrounded by angry eyes all ready to start dinner and we had just ruined their dessert. so we went into a building which looked like a hotel. i wasn't with sheryl anymore but with mel tan. the hotel was very grand and oppulent and from the features and accents of the employess, i was probably somewhere in the middle-east and was thinking to myself how the grandest of places can be found here. i went into one room and found that it was the toilet. i went into another which i thought was the toilet but it turnd out to be a room to put bags in and powder up your face and some other crap. then i entered another room and was with sheryl again. only it was a GIANT hall. i saw acrobats and they were really high up. the background seemed to be the sky. everyone was enthralled by the acrobats but i was looking at the sky beyond. and saw a rainbow. it kept appearing and disappearing. it's colours were brilliant and irridiscent. then the whole sky was flashing with colours, on and off, streaks of light of all colours. i was mesmerised and kept pointing at it and crying in delight, asking everyone to look. but everyone was so caught up with the acrobats. then i realised that the sky was actually just the ceiling of the big hall i was in and the lights and the rainbow were just laser beams shone onto it. but i was mesmerised neverthelss. next thing i know i was strapped onto a board, hanging upside down. then i was hoisted up until i was at the same level as the acrobats and was allowed to watch the whole show from there. i was estatic. when the show was over, i was brought down to ground level again and all the lights came on and i was unstrapped and left and just, walked home.

but home wasn't the cold place i described before. it was in another country. wait, it was a house somewhere in the middle-east i think. but it looked like a singaporean housing estate. i was staying with uncle manu and family and a few friends. i can't remember what happened at this house. all i know is that uncle manu's family disappeared for a day and came back the next. aunty asha came to speak to me and told me they went to say prayers for dheeraj. (my little cousin who passed away some few years ago. she told me they had to keep repeating this line. i can't remember what the exact line was but it went something like, "i'm in so deep." she said that if we kept repeating it, satan couldn't get through. and she started talking about jesus and mary. and i started crying. but the wierd part is that they're not even close to being a christian. i couldn't comprehend and was so astounded that i cried. and that's when i realised it was all a dream.