i got back from thailand on monday night. everything seemed to remind me of something i had seen or felt or heard or tasted or touched or smelt in thailand. but as the days went by, it all started to feel like a dream. i would suddenly remember something and get so excited about it and tell the people nearest to me about it. they'd laugh or smile politely but i guess they'd never really be able to feel it all the way i did. and now, i realise that the memories of the past 2 weeks are all i have left to hold on to of the trip. i did bring a video camera but i didn't capture any footage of the best parts of my trip. those were the times i wanted to be completely overcome by the experience.

as i said in my previous post i think...it's such a shame to forget. i never want to forget. the adventure with the cheeky tuk tuk driver who called himself A. the jam session with the Thai guys in the little tattoo shop in Phuket on that rainy Saturday night. horny ang moh men and young thai girls trying to pick up each other in the clubs and streets of patong, a place which never seems to sleep. sitting on the deck of the boat with our legs dangling over the sides as we left Phi Phi island, with the beach soundtrack plugged into our ears. the way the waves looked as we sailed through the "storm". diving into the plunge pool at the waterfall in khaolak. climbing up and down like water monkeys. the long rides in the song diaos and the back of pick-up trucks and the deadly knots in my dusty hair after that. the soggy gloves and wrinkled hands as a consequence of cement soaking through my gloves. the long trains of transferring bricks. twisting wires till i got addicted. ong and pot. pot and his cheeky smile. the kids we met in the village on the 2nd day. the quaint little old takuapa town. the old couple who ran the laundry service who were harrassed by the unbelievable amount of clothes they suddenly had to wash. the dim sum coffeeshop where we had breakfast. cheap $0.40 crepes and cha-yen noms(iced tea with milk). gorging on 3 ice-creams in a single day. the bartender allowing us to go behind the bar and mix our own drinks. winning the first round of the table quiz and losing hopelessly after that. the nights on the rooftop, looking at stars and talking and eating junk and drinking beer. the cockroach incidents. learning how to use a coil. the last night of the expedition when everyone got drunk and stupid. the karaoke sessions. talking to kun n a.k.a. zombak. kun chawali. rita and i impulsively buying the bbq fish at the market for god-knows-what reason. standing at the back of the song diao, staring at the stars and feeling like we were flying. jun. playing dummy. bint and his stories. writing letters in my little notebook and desperately looking for post offices. big-time shopping in little convenience stores. charades with storekeepers who didn't understand us and vice-versa. curious passerbys. the crazy indian guys in phuket (haha). the 3 of us walking around in our straw hats like the 3 stooges. going to the airport 12 hrs too early on the last day. spending the whole day in the shopping centre after that. standing up to pay our respects to the king of thailand as a video of him was flashed in the cinema just before our show started. sheryl snoring while she sprawled herself out on a few seats in the empty cinema. sheryl's crazy sleeping habits! buying speakers and playing our music everywhere, on the song diao, on the rooftop, in our room. the elephant limestone caves. the boatride to james bond island. the lovely food we had for all our meals. hunting for a dental clinic. mad shopping urges. being flat broke on the last day and stranded in phuket cos we had the wrong flight timing. sheryl getting my dad's swiss army knife confiscated cos she kept it in her hand-carry bag as she needed it for sewing her rainbow-coloured pouch. sheryl's obsession with her rainbow pouch. sheryl getting high. rita and her "somewhere" guy. the taxi drivers hovering around us like vultures. the bautiful music the guitarists at the central festival shopping centre enveloped us in as we peered at the paintings and art pieces on display that first night in phuket. sleeping like a bunch of homeless bums outside starbucks cos it was so early and everything was closed. ant ant ants everywhere. scorching hot sun as we worked at the construction sites. amrit and the concubines. playing charades and soccer during breaks. the girl called naam. hong naam yu ti nai? thao rai? PAENG! hahaha. (where is the toilet? how much? expensive!) the most beautiful sunset i ever saw. the barren lands of khaolak littered with remains of resorts. the navy vessel perched in the strangest location, after being washed ashore by the tsunami. the holes in the walls caused by those deathly waves that december morning last year. where do i start? where do i begin?

where can i end? how do i end?

i don't think i can type out everything here. but these moments, they will continue to live in my dreams and in my memories. when i am sitting on the bus or walking home or sitting in a boring lecture, i will remember these times and smile.

and one more story before i sleep. not a very pleasant bedtime story though. but here goes...

i got drunk for the first and hopefully, LAST time on friday night. it was at a cocktail party at natasha's house. we met natasha on the trip. she's a blast. she thought us how to mix drinks in khaolak on the night the bartender allowed us to get behind the bar and take over. it was so fun that we agreed we'd have a cocktail party once we got back to singapore. but on friday night, i actually didn't feel like going and just wanted to stay at home. but natasha was leaving and i wanted to see them all so i went in the end.

and i got drunk.

like crazy drunk.

ok it seems really funny now but it was HORRIBLE. all i remember was, i had drunk quite a bit and i don't even know what it was i drunk. then next thing i knew, i was coming out of the toilet and sat down on the floor and my friends were around me. and i knew i kept insisting i was ok and was trying to prove it by reciting everyone's name and apparently i got it all screwed up. next thing i knew, i couldn't sit up straight anymore. after that, i think i was on natasha's bed with my head over a plastic bag. think i was puking. and the last thing i knew, i was lying on the bed and heard someone asking me about my parents. then i can't remember anything else after that.

the next morning, i was shocked out of my wits! i opened my eyes and turned to my right and saw natasha lying next to me. and it was all bright already! my first instinct..."my parents are gonna kill me!" i was puzzled to find myself there. then i looked down and realised i wasn't even wearing my own clothes. apparently they had to change me the night before because of my puking i think. and natasha told me some scary things i did which i shall not publicise here. but my gosh! isn't it scary how you can be alive and do stuff and not be conscious of it??? it's scary to me!!

throughout the whole of saturday, i felt as though i were going to die. i puked and puked the whole day, alternating between the bed and the toilet. i was so thirsty but i couldn't even drink water because i would puke it all out the next minute. couldn't eat anything either. i felt so miserable and pathetic. and after each round of puking, i swore i would never drink so much again. i couldn't even stand drinking water from my water bottle because it reminded me of my drinking the night before which made me feel sick and want to puke again. in short, i was traumatised by how sick i was because of the amount of alcohol i had consumed.

today i felt so good because i felt much better and it felt good to feel better and i was so thankful it was over. it felt so good to be sober and conscious and not sick and not feel like puking. it felt good to be able to be in control and eat and drink water and sit up and talk.

i can't believe all this actually happened. even this feels like a dream too, a dream i'm still trying to understand...what an experience! drinking is BAD! no more getting drunk! staying clean for a long time! forever if possible!

guess we need these experiences to make us aware and learn. and thank goodness i was in my friend's house with friends around. i definitely learnt my lesson and i am really very sleepy now and i should stop typing though i know that if i continue another time it won't be the same cos the moment would have passed but sleep is important and i will just have to type about something else next time.