when i was in thailand, i wrote a letter back home on 2 little pieces of paper from my notepad, which was 1/8 the size of a normal A4 sheet. i wrote it on the 3rd or 4th night and for almost 2 weeks, i searched for an open post office in the little town of takuapa in thailand so that i could buy stamps and send my letters home. the post office was always closed for some reason and it was one of the most modern looking "shops" in that town and perhaps one of the only few which actually had air-conditioning.

anyway, it wasn't until 2 saturdays later when i could finally post my letters. we had just checked into our new hotel at phuket and i went out in search of a shop to buy stamps before lunch. i would be back in singapore 2 days later but i just wanted the thrill of posting a letter from overseas and others receiving it back home. so i found myself at a pharmacy buying some stamps.

the lady behind the counter at the pharmacy started chatting with rita and me and she noticed the logo on the t-shirt i was wearing.

"is that your university?" she asked.

"nope, it's my church."i replied. i was wearing a blue polo tee and there was a logo on it that bore the name of the church i attend, the church of saint francis xavier.

"aaah, you're catholic?" she asked excitedly.

"yup." i nodded.

"aaah me too."

i was pretty excited because i really wanted to go for mass in thailand. i couldn't go the week before because i couldn't find a church anywhere. so i asked her whether she knew of any churches around there and was expecting a no. but she told me i could attend mass at Le Meridien Hotel. she even wrote down the times of the english masses for me.

i was so excited that whole saturday. i couldn't believe my luck. i had been really wanting to go for mass. and i had been really wanting to post my letters. and i realised that if i had posted my letters any earlier, i would never have known that there was a mass somewhere near i could attend. and what got me even more excited was the fact that i had been reading the alchemist by paulo coelho on the trip and one of the things that kept being repeated throughout the book was how when your soul desires something, the whole of the universe conspires to make it happen. join the dots.

also, my teeth and gums were really hurting throughout the whole trip. must have been those icecreams i kept eating and the cha yen noms i kept drinking everyday of my trip. so in phuket, i decided to look for a dentist and actually found one. and the dentist didn't charge me a cent because i only went to him for consultation. rita was shopping at the shop across the street from the dentist so i went to meet her. and from there, we suddenly went on a mad shopping spree. i don't know how it happened. but if ALL this didn't happen, we would never have bumped into rita's somewhere guy,

ok, some background info. the night before, we had gone to this shopping centre in phuket where there were all these paintings and photographs on display in the outside amphi-theatre. rita started talking to a budding up and coming photographer and i guess she thought she would never see him again. but who would've thought that we'd bump into him on the streets of patong while shopping on a saturday afternoon?? and we did. and again, i thought to myself. wow, if my teeth had not hurt so much and i had not eaten all those icecreams, we wouldn't have bumped into him. if rita did not know me, and we had never become friends in primary school many years ago, we would never have bumped into the "somewhere" guy. it all just made me go "aaaah" at life and realise that every moment was simply a step to the next and it was ok if things screwed up in our eyes. we just had to trust.

anyway, to continue the story. so i was really excited about mass. after shopping, we met the others on the beach but it started to rain shortly after so we had to run indoors for shelter and soon found ourselves at a thai massage parlour. i had really wanted to go for a thai massage. mass was at 530pm and the massage ended at 5pm. so i bid goodbye to sheryl and rita and went in search of a tuk tuk to bring me to le meridien hotel. i really couldn't wait!

i went to the first tuk tuk driver i saw and asked him how much it was to le meridien hotel. he charged me 200baht at first but i knew it was a rip off because the lady at the pharmacy told me it was about 50-100baht. in the end we settle for 150baht. i'm lousy at bargaining. so we went to le meridien. but when we reached there, the guards on duty refused to allow us to go in. why? because the hotel had been closed for 4 months because of the tsunami! i was like..."shit." had the lady not gone to mass for 4 months? didn't the tuk tuk driver know it was closed? would i be paying 300baht for NOTHING? but i knew i couldn't do much so i just asked the tuk tuk driver to take me back to patong , which he did.

when we reached patong, i handed over my 300 baht to the tuk tuk driver. i felt a bit disappointed but decided that i wouldn't call sheryl or rita but sit by the beach and read instead since it was one of those things i had been wanting to do for a while. so there i was sitting on the sand and eating my pomelo and reading the alchemist when after a while, i heard a man going "hello."

i turned to my left and squating next to me was the tuk tuk driver. i was a bit surprised and said hi. we talked about the hotel being closed and i asked him whether he knew and why hadn't he told me but he could only smile sheepishly and i guess i must've looked a bit disappointed but i said never mind.

"you got some time now?" he asked.

i didn't want to give an answer because the tuk tuk drivers there were like vultures and i didn't want to give this vulture any more of my precious baht.

"you got some time now? i also think too much. i take you around."

i didn't understand what he meant by "too much" though i was thinking it had something to do with my 300baht which was now in his pockets. but i still didn't want to give an answer because i didn't want to pay him any more and what if he wanted to kidnap me?

"i take you around. ok? free?"

hmm...free. i thought about it for like less than 7 seconds and decided hell, why not? next thing i knew, i was getting up and dusting the sand off my bum and following him back to his tuk tuk. i sat infront with him this time and he brought me around the coast line of phuket, showing me karon and kata beach. then he brought me to one of the highest points in phuket called the viewing point where i got a splendid view of the phuket shoreline which really took my breath away and i swore i could've cried. we sat down for a while on a rock just staring out into the sea and the life below and the tuk tuk driver started taking out something from his pocket and rolling it. then he lighted it. it was a cigarette but i was quite worried that it was some kind of drug because i rememberd that before i had gotten into his tuk tuk for the first time, i heard another tuk tuk driver tell me he takes marijuana. i didn't know whether he was joking or not but i was afraid that whatever he was smoking now would make him high and the place was deserted really and who knew what he would do. i knew i was taking a risk the moment i stepped into the tuk tuk actually but i also felt i was living out my ian wright dreams. ah well.

anyway, time was running out and i knew i had to go back cos everyone would be waiting for me back at the hotel to go for dinner. so i told him i had to go and he drove me back all the way to my hotel. for free of course. haha.

on the way back, he was showing me where he goes to drink with his friends and where he goes to smoke marijuana. of course, i kind of lectured him about marijuana. but it was probably just water of a duck's back. that night, my friends and i were actually planning on going to a bar with a good live band. and this guy looked like he might know of good ones so i asked him to recommend me some. instead, he elbowed my elbow and said, "you and me, go tonight?" in a really cheeky way.

"haha nar. i'm going with my friends tonight." i said shyly. i was like oh man what have i got myself into. then he asked whether i had a boyfriend and i should have said yes right but i didn't want to lie so i said no. and he took out his handphone and asked me for my number.

i kept telling him it was alright and no. and after a while i said, "ok, you give me your number" so that he would stop asking. and he agreed. so i keyed in his number infront of him and turns out his name is A (or rather his nickname; they all give themselves nicknames in thailand.). then he said, "test."

ok miss smarty pants a.k.a. shireen decided to just test to show him she really had his number just to make him stop asking. but the moment i pressed the call button, i saw my number appear on his handphone and i went.."oh shit" in my head.

that cheeky tuk tuk driver now had my number! anyway, throughout the ride, he was still being cheeky but in a harmless way and i guess i did enjoy myself and the element of risk made in more thrilling in a way. but i knew i was lucky. he finally did drop me back at my hotel where everyone was waiting for me.

anyway, slightly more than a week later, i had gone to get a new handphone with my mom. my sim card was too full so i had to manually write down some of the phone numbers i wanted to transfer from my old phone to my new phone. one of those numbers was A's. i didn't know whether to transfer his number or not but decided to anyway because it was the only thing i had to remind me of that adventure.

the following day, i was having dinner with a friend and who should call but A! i was really surprised because it was already more than a week since i left phuket and i hadn't seen him or heard from him since then. and there was his name blinking on my phone. hesitantly, i answered the call and heard his familiar voice. we chatted for a short while because we couldn't really understand each other anyway but i managed to listen to his high-pitched laughter again. and as i recalled how he looked like, i suddenly realised he resembled a little hobbit. cheeky face, small-sized and always laughing.

he did call again 2 days later but i let the phone ring too long i guess.

all this happened because of those letters. and guess what? the letter i posted to my family finally arrived in the post TODAY. it was in a bad state. the letter must have gotten wet and the ink had seeped through the paper and stained the envelope. worst part was, my mom opened it and read it out loud in front of me. and i suddenly remembered i had written something about drinking beer in the letter. they were supposed to have received the letter while i was in thailand and i had added that part cheekily so that they would not be able to do anything about it. but i didn't expect my mom to be reading it infront of me today especially after that drunken incident a week or so back. you should have seen her stare. my mom has a very powerful stare by the way.

anyway, i don't feel so shitty whenever things screw up these days. i seem to be able to take it more in stride. i guess it's because i've come to realise that this is life and it is made up of all these inifinite moments which compliment each other and bring me to where i am and where i am going to go. and as long as i try my best and i am true, i don't have to worry. i just have to trust. and every moment is an opportunity to learn and if i have learnt nothing, then it is all in vain. there is never a dead end and there is always a way.

totally related and totally unrelated, i watched star wars: return of the sith last night. i have never really been a diehard star wars fan but i might convert after watcing that show last night. i was really enlightened. you know the whole debate about good and evil? i must admit that sometimes, i don't know how to draw the line especially in an age where everyone is arguing about relativity. but in one scene, the sith lord and anakin were having a conversation about good and evil. what was the difference between a dark lord and a jedi? they were both as powerful. yet, the former was evil and the latter was good. but what determines what is good or evil? evil, said anakin, is driven by passion for one's own power whereas good is driven by selflessness, love. in hearing that, it all suddenly made sense to me. two people can have exactly the same gifts and power but being driven by different things, the outcome is totally different. and in this show, it was easy to see how people get sucked into the darkside. and i realised that the blackhole theory i always use as an analogy is so real. it always starts with something small. it's not our power which makes us evil. it's our weakness for power which does. and only love can conquer this.

it's a really good show if you ignore some of the cheesy bits. there are some very good lessons to bring back about life and love. i'd definitely recommend it to anyone.

there is just so much life i want to share but staring at the computer screen too long has made my eyes tired.

we'll meet again further down the river
and share what we both discovered
and revel in the view...