i woke up and my eyes were aching and my jaws were tired from clenching them too hard and i just lay in bed wanting not to get up again to face the day. but i did eventually, and spent the day in my own world. it was too depressing and it seemed as though i was punishing myself more than anyone else. so a thought occured to me to paint a picture. and believe me when i say i'm no artist. but there i was, lugging my art folio i used to use since i was 8 and a whole lot of other arty stuff 3 storeys down to the dining area. and when i passed my mom's room and she asked me where i was going, i couldn't help but smile and say "i'm going to paint a picture" even though i was supposed to be giving everyone the silent treatment. (yes, i wanted to be childish and i wanted to sulk. haha sounds silly now.)

i wanted to paint an angry picture. but pretty soon, it was starting to look like a child's dream, colourful and pleasant, nothing angry about it. the single stroke of lightning actually looked friendly.

i also did something i have negelected doing for a while. i finally took my bike out for a spin and cycled to the park i had found one day while on one of my "exploring expeditions." sitting there, i felt so fortunate and felt that this park, the lake/pond, the beautiful landscape, the trees, the sky; they were all mine and i was meant to find them one day some few months ago. and so i just sat there and revelled in my gem of a discovery. to the rest of the world and residents of that neighbourhood, it was just their normal park in the backyard. and i was glad i was me and not them because it made a few minutes in that park magical and refreshing.

i was pretty much angry with the world today and i wanted to run away and not face anyone. but you can't ever run away that easily. and eventually, i had to come out of that shell and face it all. which actually proved that it wasn't so bad after all and i was just being a sulk and i was just overwhelmed by an emotion which now reminds me how blinding emotions can be which now further reminds me never to dwell too much in them. i look forward to waking up to a better day in the morning now.

my youngest brother just returned from his st. john's camp today which lasted for 4 days 3 nights. he claims he slept only 4 hours in all! without a sleeping bag and on his towel because to his unpleasant surprise when he opened the sleeping BAG, it contained a jacket instead of a sleeping bag. anyway, there he was in the living room just now, fast asleep, while life bustled around him. he must have been having a really nice dream for i saw a smile on his face and wondered where most of it went. and i felt envious seeing one so immersed and peaceful in sleep because sleeping's becoming more of a challenge for me these days. i like sleeping but i seem to be getting less and less of RESTFUL sleep. and i'm actually really thankful every morning when i wake up feeling like i've had a really good, uninterrupted sleep. believe me, it's one of the best gifts god can give me these days. seriously. we just take too many things for granted.

And if the night runs over
And if the day won´t last
And if your way should falter
Along the stony pass
It´s just a moment
This time will pass
(Stuck in a Moment by U2)