prison

it was so hard to wake up this morning because i was stuck in a dream which was hard to separate from reality. ever experienced that feeling while dreaming? i dreamt that i was sent to a prison in singapore, together with 3 other friends. it was quite a strange kind of prison. you had times for nap, using the internet, watching dvds. then, there was also physical training and we were warned that if we went out of the trail we would be shot immediately. the prison was by the ocean and it increased my sense of isolation as i recalled how free i was before that in new zealand. it amplified the ache in my heart because i was away so long and still nowhere near home and missing everyone like mad. i was put there so suddenly i had no time to even inform anyone back home and by the end of the day, was so tired, i just didn't do it. funny how the whole place suddenly resembled a backpackers concept. i know raymond was one of the 3 other friends with me and he was actually excited. as though we were attending some conference or camp together, as though the whole thing was a faith experience for us, especially since the crimes were so small i.e. traffic, parking offences. and the worst part is i was to be there for 300 days! i tried to talk to one of the wardens, that there must be some mistake about it. at first she didn't want to talk to me because she wanted to go sleep. i guess it was because she saw the desperation on my face and knew it would require effort to talk to me. i told her i wanted to talk to her about facts, not emotions. she agreed. i told her there must be a mistake. she comforted me by saying they were considering giving us all a 10-day off period, and for a few seconds, raymond (who suddenly appeared again) and i, were so happy and jumping up and down. and i became sad again when it hit me that my stay was not shortened to 10 days, but 290 days. and i just had to get out...and i woke up. relieved. confused. disoriented. still feeling like i'm in prison.

what's funny was that travelling and being in jail made me feel the exact same thing in that dream, imprisoned. how is that possible?? i can only conclude it was the sense of isolation from my loved ones, from missing them. even when i'm surrounded by people i know. yet, it's always not so bad when i wake up, only in my dreams it is. and it's funny that i've had this same dream before and it felt just as real. something tells me i better obey all traffic rules to the core!

bringing my car for a warrant of fitness check with dias later. it's required here in new zealand. while waiting we might check out this cosy little cafe they keep going on about which i've never seen. will probably bring some work. please let me finish some work so that i can feel like i deserve all this!!! =/