it's funny. the big As seem to be getting smaller the nearer they draw. everyone around me seems to be getting more and more uptight. as though they are about to enter into judgement day. they're getting all impatient and petty(over the smallest things) and jumpy and SUPER KANCHIONG. ok. it's not everyone. just a few. but i study with them often. and the more stressed they seem to be getting, the more relaxed i am finding myself to be.

i guess it's because i don't think it's all that big and scary a monster as i made it out to be at first. i guess it's because i know my whole life doesn't depend on it, though many would argue otherwise. but i'm not saying that this gives me a right to slack. cos hey, i'm in this already. and everything we do is a total waste of time and effort if we don't give it our best, right?

it feels good not to cling. clinging is really tiring. and boring. and the anxiety and waiting just kills us slowly. letting go is so much better. at least, we get somewhere. and when we let go with faith, there is no room for worry. just enjoy the ride on the way. worry is so tiring. it's just a waste of time and effort too. it does nothing but wear us out and weigh us down. maybe that's why i'm not getting that stressed. it's just too much trouble.

and as a proffesional bum, that's just a no-no. it's like waking up at 6am when you can wake up at noon. haha. err....