tuesday was a good day.

2 hours driving in the morning was just too much though. i was making the seat too hot for my own butt's comfort and my left leg was so tired from depressing and releasing the clutch pedal until there were a few instances where i almost totally released to stretch my leg for a while when the gear was still engaged! anyway, my driving test is today at 2.45pm!!! and before that, another 2 hr lesson. which means more than 2hrs of driving! but don't complain, shireen! you need the practice! PLEASE LET ME PASS!

after that, headed down to school and i enjoyed the bus and train rides because i had alot of time to spare and good music streaming into my ears and no heavy laptop or adaptor to carry and a pretty relaxed day ahead with not a single project meeting in sight!! which meant i could spend the day however i wanted to and go home early even!

marketing class was spent savouring my mocha rumba frapuccino from starbucks, chewing gum, making paper aeroplanes using the gum wrappers, sketching my prof, an island in the sun, my paper aeroplane and the starbucks cup, all on the starbucks paper napkin, exchanging smses with my mom, alvin(about my video cam), merrill(about sharing and driving) and one guy who is my brother's friend whose sister, i just found out, was sitting 2 rows behind me in class just now, and of course, paying attention to what the prof was talking about. there were some good laughs in between.

after marketing class, spent a good hour or so in the library having hell with the computers and printers! some friends thought i was mad because i kept walking past them so many times as i was walking to the printing room. files were deleted, wrong printer, attachment couldn't be open on a different computer, alot of other nonsense...but all's well cos i managed to get them all printed in the end.

then, i finally got the chance to head home! it was a priceless feeling. and as i was walking out of the library building, bumped into zhi and marcus and i think i looked like a crazy happy moron and i explained that i was going home early for the first time in a long time. haha, coming from someone who used to love going home late and would rather go out and walk around or watch a movie or go to borders before going home.

and i must say, i really enjoyed the ride on the way home. i got to sit right infront on the double-decker 147 and i love the view from the front seat because it's like a relaxing amusement park ride and you get to see so many things. after choosing the perfect seat, or so i thought, i plugged in my earphones, took out my BOOST chocolate(YUMMY!) and my storybook and had a really pleasant journey home until...

until i suddenly felt something wet and cold on the sole of my left foot. i looked down and saw that a puddle had gathered below my seat due to rain water from i don't know where and had swished onto my slipper when the bus made a sudden jerk. it was such a disgusting feeling because the slipper felt so slimy after that. but, well, i just adjusted my seating position to avoid the puddle and it was soon forgotten.

as i was reaching my house busstop, i made a split-second decision and before i knew it, i was boarding another bus to svdp to go for mass. and i was really quite early cos it was only 515pm and mass was at 6. but i was happy about this. it meant that i would have time to visit the adoration room there and just pray quietly and rest. something i haven't been doing for a while now.

and the time i spent there was really wonderful. as i was walking in, i saw a mini book on the shelf of books at the entrance and decided to have a look at it. it was about "spiritual hangovers", which, as described in the book, are simply the consequence of over-self-indulgence in our own thoughts and emotions, just like the over-consumption and over-indulgence of alcohol or drugs or whatnot. it talks about how comfortable we become with this spiritual hangover and don't bother to get out of it. i got reminded about my blackhole theory and about how it's so easy to get so comfortable in them and to indulge in anger or depression or whatnot.

mass after that was a really peaceful, beautiful and intimate moment for me and i felt happy and safe and on fire with love inside, a fire burning to fulfil my calling to love everyone and everything no matter what, a desire to be the smallest and the last if that's what it took. the whole hour there at svdp just brought me back home and calmed that restlessness in me. and it was all the consequence of a split-second decision. that's why i once said, sometimes you just do things and you don't know what made you do them but you know you just have to do them anyway, like you were meant to....this was just one of those moments.

and as i was sitting at the svdp busstop, waiting for the bus home, a man who had been sitting two rows behind me in church came and sat next to me. his clothes looked loose on him, his hair was a bit messy and his teeth were really yellow. he had given way to me during communion. so there he was sitting next to me and i could sense he was looking at me and i get very shy when people look at me but it was weird to keep pretending to stare into the space infront of me so i returned his look and he smiled and me and nodded, so well, i smiled back and nodded. and he did that a few more times. and finally, he stretched out his hand to shake mine and asked me what my name was while introducing himself. so i told him i was shireen. and then, he told me his sister and mom and had died and he was living alone. and i was a bit bewildered because i didn't understand why he was telling me this out of the blue. so i asked him when and he said 2 months ago. and we talked a bit. then he showed me a consultation card and i tried to decipher what it read but i couldn't find anything much and felt it wasn't so important to know what was wrong wrong with him(cos i was expecting it to be an institute of mental health card or something) so i handed him back the card. i just felt sad for him because he looked so sad and he would suddenly gaze into the distance every time he said he was living alone. then he told me the name of his sister. and his bus arrived. and he waved goodbye many times before he finally left. my bus arrived just after his and i got on. i passed a busstop and saw that he had gotten down there and he saw me on the bus and waved again...all the way home, i kept thinking about this mysterious lonely man and how much he needed a friend and needed to be loved. is there something i can do? i'm sure there is...and there are so many like him out there....mother teresa once said, "there are many in the world dying for a piece of bread, but there are many more dying for a little love."

but i did not return home feeling sad. i felt joyous still for having met a new friend. he may have been weird and a bit messed up overall, but he treated me with dignity and warmth. and he deserves to be loved anyway. i hope he is alright.

at night, i went for my regular tuesday night sharing and it was pretty nice and cosy cos there were so few of us. we had to restart the song a few times cos we kept singing out of tune and it was so funnY! this never happened before! i think...

supper was great! because of the great company and the hilarious conversations....and the night was then topped off by a heart-to-heart talk with melt. mel tan is a really beautiful and special girl and i love her to bits!!!

yeap, tuesday was good.

driving test, here i come!