jeremy wanted to go play soccer today and i told him to go ahead and do it because for the first sunday in a long time, i had the liberty of taking an afternoon nap and he had the liberty of playing soccer. but he said that i was a bad influence instead! anyway, later, he asked me whether i wanted to go play too and i asked whether there would be any other girls and he said no. and me being a GIRL, said no galpals so no thanks. but it immediately brought me to a flashback of one sunny afternoon in khaolak, thailand earlier this year. we had just finished a "hard" day's work and were waiting for the song diao (open-air bus/van/lorry thingy) to fetch us back to our accomodations. a bunch of the guys went onto the mini open field with the two goal posts and started playing their own game of soccer. sheryl, the braver of us two, said hey lets go play! shireen said erm okaaaay.

next thing we were on the field playing with and against the guys and then a young thai girl by the name of naam (which means water) came up to us and tried to communicate to us that she wanted to play. so she joined us. and my gosh she was good! she could really dribble. and when she scored a goal, to mock the other team, she got down on all fours and used her head to roll the ball into the goal. and that became her trademark throughout the game. all we could do was stare in wide-eyed wonder at this little bare-footed village girl as she dashed about like lightning and exuded her charming and disarming presence on that pitch. those were the days man...those were the days...i think i left that place permanently changed. i think everyday leaves me permanently changed in some way.

people, movies, stories, accidents, songs, nature, the weather, termites, stars, internet, driving, msn conversations, loneliness, fear, poverty, love.....everything has the power to inspire and transform, to give courage to dream and explore and define new limits or overcome them....someone once told me...that my life is like a flower, as is my mind and my heart. and that they're all the same one flower. and all i had to do was just open it up and see how beautiful it was...

it sounded good then but i couldn't really understand it. but as the days go on and as the flower slowly blooms, i am slowly beginning to understand it and to see. one day, this flower shall die. but it will go back into the earth and nourish the soil for new ones to grow and though noone may remember it one day, it will continue to live on because after all, you could say that in that case, we are all actually the same one flower. don't ask me about reincarnation or next lives. i don't know anything about them. i just know that every action of mine has an eternal consequence...

a guy i got to know this term because he was in one of my project groups shared with me his inspirational story in the very recent past. i asked him to share it with me to help another friend who needed hope and inspiration. and he so graciously and generously obliged. i always felt there was something special about him and i really wanted to know what it was and the time finally came, rather aptly too. he also sent me a link and told me to read steve job's speech at stanford university's commencement. here's an excerpt...

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary. "

on wednesday, a sense of peace and excitement reigned in my restlessly-beating heart. it was simply the realisation that everything IS perfect. imperfections and lack of wholeness were all just states of mind. and as i type this now, i realise that i have been taught this before. nothing is an accident and everything is so relevant. the most annoyingly irritating person in your life...is a gift too.