ok, well, let's get the formalities out of the way first. happy new year! ok, now, let's move on...haha that's what you call "phaemie style".

"let's just skip the candles and eat the cake!" phaemie, what were you thinking???? haha.

the first week of school has already passed and it was nothing short of amazing. well, not because of school i'd say. i guess it's because of everything combined. the whole package together. i won't bore you or myself (though it's not boring to me) about the events of the past week up to 5.38pm on this rainy monday. and oh man!!! i just glanced to my left and i saw my 4, no 5, overdue library books sitting on my shelf!!!! gah, whenever i borrow books from the library, it only means one thing. no, two things. first, it's FINES galore! second, i never even read some of them. seems to me that the peak lies in the selection process of the books. it's almost spiritual. the way you swim through the whole ocean of books and you could pick any but...you don't. i don't, at least. i don't even look out for particular authors or books recommended by influential people, the media or my own papa. i just try to tap into the "force" and find the books that i feel are calling out to me. it's not an easy process and i can spend more than an hour doing this. at the end of it, i can't deny that i'm tired and it doesn't help that my shoulders are weighed down by the new addition of at least 4 books (5, this time, cos during the holiday period, the national library increased the maximum) in my far too small bag. but the weight of those books makes me feel lighter and brighter at the same time, knowing that i have 4 (or 5) new worlds to explore, meant only for me (and a few selected others, or maybe, really just me) at that particular point in time. i can't begin to describe how excited that makes me feel! but i also can't deny that i am disappointed sometimes. and i also can't deny that most of the time, it really seems like those books and i were meant to cross paths...

so it's been 2 months plus since i've passed driving. since i've passed, people have been telling me that i'll get really sick of it and fed up of sending people home. but i think passing my driving is probably one of the best things that could've ever happened to me, at least right now. i jump at every opportunity to send people home or wherever and i just love to do errands now and i love it when my mom or dad tells me to drive and they just sit back and relax like it's the most normal thing in the world. i guess i feel honoured that i'm trusted to drive. it really is an honour. also, i love the way i have to focus, even as i have a conversation with people or change the radio channels. and i love playing whatever music i like when i'm alone and singing as loud as i want to in whatever way i want to (believe me, it could be scary and i'd probably look possessed to pedestrians and other drivers outside). and i enjoy having conversations with my honourable passengers and changing the music for them or winding down the windows for them. i love those few minutes of connection that we share in that short ride home. it's just different from sitting in a coffeeshop and talking. it's very intimate for some reason and because i'm in such a high level of concentration, i really focus on whoever i'm talking to. running errands for people and my parents letting me drive undoubtedly makes me feel older but not in a bad way. i feel more capable and confident and i like the fact that i actually really like doing these things for people while it helps them at the same time. and driving, like borrowing library books, is such a spiritual experience for me. the way i have to trust my intuition be it making a U-turn or parking or turning around bends in carparks or finding my way to places i don't really know how to get to. most of the time, i don't have the luxury (is it a luxury?) of following a manual and i really have to "feel". and i talk to god alot during these drives, whether in my heart or aloud, and the joy is immeasurable. and the late night drives home are just the most sacred and beautiful things up to the moment i park the car and close the gates back at home. because to me, i feel that every trip i begin and end safely is a miracle in itself.

am i being too much of a drama mama? i don't know what is too much anyway. what "they" say? who are "they" anyway? haha. well, i guess some things just affect others more than other things do. is it because those things are part of the callings of our respective souls? and when they hit us so hard, is it because our soul recognises that call? what is it? i guess a million people would answer these questions in a million and one ways. and each of them would be right in each of those million and one ways. isn't that exhilirating and totally perplexing??!!

business processes. i don't know what made me pick that professor but i did. and boy is there ALOT of work to do. i think i bid for my courses the same way i choose library books. to me, i don't rely on "public" opinion because everyone has a different opinion and well, they're just opinions, not facts. instead, i just rely on "intuition" again. which professor am i meant to have? where are the students whose lives i am meant to cross paths with? and the timing of these courses, how will they affect the rest of my time for the rest of the term and the lives of the people around me? i don't even answer the questions but i know that the courses i choose affect the answers and so i once again, try to tap into that "force" and flow with it. don't worry, people, i'm not on anything i shouldn't be on. haha.

well, living that way just fills me with joy and makes me look forward to every second because i'm always excited to see where the wind will blow me to and from. it's almost like a game and it's just...FUN! and by playing it, i have been made to open my doors to new and radical ways of loving and living, ways which i've never even dreamt of before. and when joyce popped me an msn message just now to say she was bored, i replied her asking her whether she thought life was amazing. yea that was really random but i said that not because i wanted to be ironic but because, i just "felt" i had to say it. seems to be the case for so many things i do and say these days. i just "feel" i have to do those things and then, i do them!

well, oh yes, i was talking about business processes. so i chose this particular professor but there's soooo much work to do!! and i just realised i have a case study due by midnight! ok shireen, the "force" says you should get lost now!