these days, it seems to take very little for me to move out of equilibrium. then again, maybe i just catch myself faster and over smaller and smaller things such that it seems like it happens too often. when everyone around you seems to be doing something as if it's the most normal thing in the world but you feel it in your bones that you know that's not who you want to be, what do you do? the frustration had built up inside and i could feel myself moving away from the center because the fact that i was frustrated meant i had much work left to do inside. i said i didn't want to judge so what was that? i had to sit there and listen to it all. i wanted to say things but couldn't, though maybe i could have. every other word i heard uttered amplified the beating of my heart and every word that remained unsaid by me added to the growing lump in my throat. and the smallest things after that made me want to explode from all the passive anger building up inside. i knew it was time to check myself and when i did, i realised how silly and irrational i was becoming, clouded by my anger, and decided to let go of it. and as i type this now, i'm beginning to let go of the rest of it and to, well, "choose" it. and i'm sorry if i, for those brief moments, lost my cool and grew impatient with you. i really am.